I share my story to hope that I can regain the motivation to live and look to the future, instead of sitting sad about the past that makes me no longer motivated to live.
Since high school until now, I am still a good child of my parents, gentle, cute, understanding, stable job. However, my love life is too complicated. When I was in high school, I didn’t take care of my appearance, so no one pursued me, and I had low self-esteem because my mother and sister called me fat and clumsy. I was criticized so much that I always thought I was ugly and bad, did not dare to meet anyone, just crouched in a corner. When I went to university, I was much prettier, my mother and sister still criticized me, while everyone complimented me and liked to play with me.
I often think partly because of my mother and sister. Now recalling the old story, my mother said it was a joke, it did not mean anything, but I did not understand her words. In college, I was like a bird released from a cage, many people followed, everyone liked and praised. That makes me very happy, I don’t want to go home even when I miss school (I study in the city so I have to stay in a boarding house). I accepted to love a hotboy from the same school (at that time, I was only acquainted, but not much love). Everyone felt jealous, but I found him heartless. My parents didn’t know about it, so every time I came home, I was told: “Like it, no one will love it”, “No one wants it”. Many times I lied to my friends that he loved me and gave me this and that gift, but in fact, I just acted by myself. After a tiring year with that love of canvas, I broke up and continued my single life with many thoughts. I was lazy in my studies, and my parents didn’t care. Four years of university have passed, I graduated with an average degree, fortunately now have a good job (after graduating, I rushed to work, go to school to make up for the previous days).
When I went to work, I had many followers, everyone thought that “only a small part” of the experience, but then fell in love and met bad guys. I broke up with two more people, then I met a third person, he really cared and loved me, the two decided to come back to meet their family. I put my trust and hope in him, then he misunderstood me with my ex when he called me to ask for help. He saw the call for more than an hour on the call history then went silent for a month and broke up. In that one month I broke down, depressed, lost weight, broke down, felt everything was so bad. After a while, I still couldn’t forget him, let myself go to date other people, but broke up every week.
Now I’m 25 years old, married but no longer feel love, just feel so bad about myself, to waste my youth. Now that I know someone, I’m worried that they’ll be afraid of my past lax life. I don’t know what I did or why. Many nights I cried for no reason, went on social media to see that my friends were stable but still the same. People look at me and see that I am fine, while I live every day very hard, my mind is always thinking, many sleepless nights. How can I look to the future and forget the past? Many times I cried and laughed at the same time, thinking maybe it was because I asked too much? If I settle down with my first love, I’ll probably be fine now. Please share more.
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