Husband and wife end their conflicts by sleeping separately

Many frustrated nights because of each other’s bad habits in bed, Nguyen Minh Hung and his wife decided to sleep separately, unexpectedly finding it more attractive in the eyes of the other.

Hung’s wife (in Cau Giay, Hanoi) has a habit of lying next to someone who has to turn on that person’s ear. When we fell in love, I heard about it, but thought it wasn’t a big deal. At first, the wife only lightly touched her husband’s ear, gradually switched to grasping, then twisting. “Many days when I was fast asleep, I sat up because my wife fell asleep and pinched my ear in pain,” he said. As a precaution, before sleeping, he rolled into the corner of the bed, placing the pillow between the couple.

Hung’s wife has difficulty sleeping, but he snores like a “plow”. Many days when he was sleeping, his wife kicked him or pulled his hair. The two lost sleep and argued again. At the peak, the husband hugged the pillow to the sofa to sleep. “In the past I thought sleeping separately was a sign of marital rift, but it’s not,” said the husband, who works in business.

Sleeping alone, he did not have his wife twisted his ears, nor was he kicked up in the middle of the night. Full sleep, waking up in the morning, Hung had to close his eyes and turn off the clock three times. His wife did not have someone to lie next to, nor did she have blood in her ears, and slept from night to day because she was not disturbed by the sound of snoring. After that, the couple separated from time to time. Until their daughter was born 10 years ago, they officially slept separately. When there is a need for closeness, the couple actively seek each other.

Hung and his wife are not the only couples who choose to sleep separately to settle disagreements while sleeping. According to the survey of VnExpress With 100 couples, about 20 couples said they slept separately to avoid inconvenience caused by the other in the bedroom.

Many couples can't sleep well in the same bed because one person's habits or illnesses bother the other.  Photo: Heart Radio.

Many couples can’t sleep well in the same bed because one person’s habits or illnesses bother the other. Photo:Heart Radio.

Separate sleeping is also common in many countries. According to a 2017 survey by the National Sleep Foundation, nearly one in four married couples sleep in separate beds. A survey of 1,500 men and women in Japan showed that 15% of respondents said they do not sleep with their spouse.

Psychologist Nguyen Thi Tam (Training Center and Applied Psychological Science, Ho Chi Minh City) advocates for couples to sleep separately in case their partner’s habits are bothering them, making them not sleep well. affect health.

“It doesn’t matter if a couple is happy or not, it’s about quality and emotional time together, not necessarily the same bed,” she said. According to Ms. Tam, there are couples because of the notion that sleeping separately is unhappy, so despite the above problems, they still try to lie next to each other, leading to more serious conflicts.

Besides the habits of a partner, children are also the reason why many couples “divorce in their sleep”. When it was just the couple, Ms. Hoang Anh (in Ha Dong, Hanoi) didn’t like being hugged or guarded while sleeping. So, except when “emotional”, the couple each have a corner. But two children were born in turn, the 1.8 meter bed was suddenly cramped.

“The two boys fight every night. It’s crowded and tight. I’m so frustrated that I can’t sleep,” said the 32-year-old mother. She decided to repair the vacant room, let her husband and eldest son sleep. From that day on, the whole family slept well. Brothers and sisters are no longer angry because in the middle of the night they still have to deal with two fighting boys. “The best thing is not being put on top of anyone,” she said.

Mr. Duc Hung (37 years old, from Ho Chi Minh City) said that new technology is the main reason why he and his wife sleep separately. At night, even though he turned his back, the light on his wife’s phone screen annoyed him. Every time there is a text or email sent to him, his wife, who works in the field of import and export, comes back to upset him.

“I know that my wife sometimes still has to handle work by phone even though it’s late at night, but I’m sleepy and can’t get angry,” he said. His wife also complains when Hung stays awake plowing movies or playing games when she needs to rest. So, just over two years of marriage, they choose to sleep separately.

According to researchers, not getting a good night’s sleep makes people’s tolerance for disappointment lower than usual. So the target for venting might be the person lying next to you. In addition, lack of sleep makes us less empathetic to the feelings of others. Not only that, the lack of sleep also makes the husband and wife more friction, from the smallest things.

Conversely, when both sleep well, they deal with things more delicately, gently, and effectively. Dr. Frida Rångtell, sleep educator and scientific advisor at Sleep Cycle, says that in the long run, separate sleep strengthens the relationship between husband and wife.

Not sharing a bed, so being close to your partner is not as easy as sleeping together. At that time, you miss each other more, think more about how to approach and spend time together. This will create interesting surprises that make the two more bonded.

Hoang Anh and her husband are one of them. Instead of being frustrated and annoyed by being close, they find love more colorful by sleeping separately. Every time you want to “confident” you have to make a detailed plan so as not to be discovered by your two sons. After luring the child to sleep, the husband texted “this side is ok”, the wife replied “ok”, and he walked quietly to the room, carefully locking the door.

“The husband and wife have to be sneaky together like a thief. Many times during the act, the big guy wakes up and doesn’t see his father, screaming. Naturally, the couple appreciates the moment they are close to each other,” she said happily. .

Sleep expert, associate professor at Duke University Medical Center (USA) Sujay Kansagra, said that the bed only serves two purposes: sleep and sex. When entering the room, the mind should focus only on those two things, not work or TV.

Duc Hung and his wife are more aware of this when choosing to sleep in a different room. Wanting to be close, he stopped plowing the game, his wife also put work aside to knock on the door of the other room.

“We spent quality time together again. After having fun, anyone would go back to that person’s room, do whatever they want, sleep anytime,” he said.

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