My husband’s family is not happy because I am not good enough

I am 29 years old, married for six years, have two boys aged five and three. I don’t spend a lot of time cooking, but I still take care of the housework and take care of my husband and children.

I graduated from school for more than six years, but during that time I have “gap year” twice (on leave), the first time is more than a year, the second time is seven months, the reason is that I have severe morning sickness during pregnancy, so I only has more than three years of work experience. However, I am fortunate to have a valuable job with a salary of nearly 30 million during this epidemic. I’m feeling empty with the stories in life, not sad or unhappy, call it indeterminate and vague perhaps more correctly.

I am strong, forward-thinking, starting from a less famous university, but right from university, I worked part-time to pay for tuition fees, send it back to my family and self-study foreign languages. I have two degrees: economics and foreign languages. I am not confident, do not know many dishes and cook well, do not know how to arrange beautiful flowers. However, I can prepare the offerings for important holidays by myself with basic dishes. I’m pretty clean (but not as good as my husband), furniture to have rules. I am also a person who takes care of children and raises them in a self-sufficient, non-indulgent parenting style. When he was five years old, I taught him to be independent, not allowing him to use the phone. If he wanted to watch TV, he had to ask permission. I teach my children to memorize the alphabet. With the second friend, I gave raw food early, talked a lot, so I could talk more than a year old. My two children are quite obedient, not nagging or demanding. In addition, I raise my children “without antibiotics”, so taking care of them is a bit fussy. I take care of school, clothes, medicine for the whole family. My husband is not bothered by the children’s eating, health, and studies because I have taken care of everything, so that he can work with peace of mind.

In addition to not being able to do, sometimes when I am busy, the house is not neat and clean, when I have time, I will clean it right away. Sometimes when I’m not in a good mood, I take the initiative to lazily clean up, when I’m shocked, I’m back to normal. I am frank, do not calculate, do not mind, there is a bad point that is controversial; when analyzed I will admit mistakes and correct, not conservative. I will defend the right position to the end, without compromise. I like to help people in difficult circumstances, filial to my parents (I’ve been independent since my sophomore year of college).

My husband is nine years older than me, has a career, falls in love and has just been married to me, his company is having trouble. The couple had to sell their wedding gold to take care of the birth of their first child. After five years, everything is fine now, although he has a lot of debt because of business investment, he can still control it; well, if everything is fine, it will be about three years. He has morality, psychology, loves his wife and children, although he works hard, he is ready to go to the market, clean the house, play with his children, no matter what.

My husband and I are transparent about our finances, even when I took a gap year, he never gave me money to keep for the family. I am an effective assistant in his work, but he only discussed with me the things that needed support, the rest he decided on his own, never discussed. For example, giving money to his parents, giving money to his grandfather, giving money to others, decisions in work, business decisions, borrowing money to invest…

He took care of the inside and outside financially, but he did not discuss and let me know. I have no opinion because it is the money you make, so you have the right. As for the family on the outside, I discussed with him whatever I did, some of the purchases I paid by myself with my salary, not asking him. My parents lent him the book to borrow money to do business. My wife and I also support my sister during her university studies, she also helps us take care of our young children for 2-3 years along with my family’s maid. I don’t mind my husband’s parents or my parents taking care of the baby. My first child is eight months old, I work for a large company and still support my husband’s work.

Five years ago, my mother-in-law was quite well off, probably a few billion dong; now lost all due to debt evasion by the borrower. She has a few plots of land, but I don’t know, only hear about it. Regarding my husband’s property, I do not know and do not want to know. A strong mother-in-law, the breadwinner of the family, living fairly fairly, without debt to anyone. Five years of being a bride, five New Year’s Eve passed, I saw that no neighbors came to wish Tet and my mother did not go to wish anyone. The mother-in-law does not have a good relationship with the mother-in-law, even there is a huge misunderstanding. I don’t have much love for my mother-in-law, I don’t feel her mother-in-law’s love for me. I always respect and still keep the religion of being a bride, being polite, buying gifts, giving money.

I was with my first baby for two months at my parents-in-law’s house. I was depressed because I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t dare to ask my grandparents to help me carry it. My brother-in-law is next to me but busy with work, sometimes I only dare to sleep for 5-10 minutes and wake up startled. My mother-in-law cooks but I am weak so I give up rice, seeing that, my mother scolded me. After that, I went back to my mother’s house, she loved me because I looked as green as leaves. When I returned to my mother, I slept well after two months of insomnia and depression (when I was breastfeeding, I cried myself and was very sad). When I was pregnant with my second child, I went to work at a large company with good benefits and insurance, so I gave birth in a famous private hospital with good health. I didn’t go back to my parents-in-law to stay. .

Last weekend, we went to visit my husband’s parents, I arranged to go to the market at 8 am to cook rice, at 7 am he got up to go to the market first, when I woke up, he had gone to the market. That afternoon I cook and clean; Cooked food is not accepted, is commented that it is not delicious. The next day, when I returned home, my husband’s sister texted me a long comment, basically hearing that my husband went to the market every day and went to the market the day before, even though he had assigned me; I should reconsider the role of the wife in the family, everyone is busy but women should do the chores. My brother-in-law loves his hard-working brother, if he says I’m wrong, he should accept it and correct it. I replied that I do not have a right or wrong opinion, only a choice, how to do it is for me and my wife to decide. I also said that I would review and adjust accordingly, in addition, I support my husband a lot in his work.

Her husband’s sister is brave, skillful, and extremely hard-working; My husband is not psychologically, does not share everything with his wife like my husband. Her husband has never gone to the market, took care of the children or cleaned the house, shared with his wife when he has time; My wife and I also assume that it is women’s work. My husband’s parents repeatedly reminded me about spending and saving issues. I answered that personal expenses are from the money I do, the couple is financially independent.

My husband’s family was very unhappy when I let him do the housework and go to the market, while I was also doing it. I am often reminded of this problem, feeling sad and tired, not knowing how to deal with it. Every time I go to my husband’s house, although no one tells me, I know that everyone is not happy, so I am not comfortable. My husband’s family is not satisfied with my lack of performance and skill for a long time. My husband on the maternal side is always loved and comfortable, my parents never commented on him. When Tet came, I was very sad, I spent Tet with my husband’s parents, but I missed my biological parents a lot. Is there a problem with my way of life? Should I adjust and change to be more secure?

Hue

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