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‘I also have moments of anger, to the point of tears’

Anger: Parents cause cause and children to bear consequences, this is perhaps a difficult problem to solve in today’s society, when parents face a lot of pressure in work, relationships and my own family. So how do parents effectively manage anger?

Below is the perspective and experience of Ms. Phan Ho Diep, mother of the prodigy Do Nhat Nam.

When anger comes

Reporter: What is your opinion on this matter? Are my parents with uncontrollable anger the cause of so much hurt and instability for their children?

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: Causes of childhood trauma may include: bad parent-child relationships (striking, physical and emotional violence); depressed parents; factors related to the surrounding environment (environment that threatens safety and affects children’s mental development)…

Thus, the failure of parents to control anger, causing children to fear, shrink, run away or resist can all lead to children’s injuries.

There are many sad, even heartbreaking stories. I myself once witnessed a baby intending to commit suicide when her mother constantly thought that because of the child, she had to leave her husband. Because when giving birth, the father wanted to be a son, then the couple had problems and divorced. A mother loves her daughter, but when she is angry, she often criticizes: “Without you, I wouldn’t be this miserable”!

Reporter: As a mother yourself, have you ever been in a situation where you couldn’t control your anger and affected Do Nhat Nam?

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: To say never is not true. I also had times when it was difficult to control, feeling angry to the point of tears.

I remember when Nam was 4 years old, a guest came to visit. When the guests returned, Nam did not say hello. Then Nam was scolded by a relative: “I’m so embarrassed, why can’t I say hello”. Then anger comes naturally. I pulled the toy out of his hand, yelled, slapped his ass with my hand, shouting and shouting: “Next time, remember to say hello to everyone”!

  Mother prodigy Do Nhat Nam: 'I also have times when I'm angry, to tears' - Photo 2.

Phan Ho Diep also has times when she cannot control her anger with her children

Reporter: Then what?

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: I regained my composure, and really regretted it.

What I do is just to let my anger out, is “angry fish cut the chopping board” and lack of control.

At some point, I gently sat down and apologized. And explain: I know I yelled unreasonably because Nam didn’t say hello. She should have come up with a better solution. I’m sorry mom. Nam hugged his mother and sobbed. That made my regrets rise even more. And promise yourself not to do it again.

Reporter: Does Nhat Nam have the skills to control his anger and negative emotions?

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: Nam is a boy with a rather gentle temperament and personality. Men are less irritable, angry, almost none.

But there are also times when Nam wants to buy toys, for example. Although he agreed and understood the principles, Nam still struggled. At that time, I usually separate Nam from his current environment and find a way for him to direct his attention and explain later, when Nam is back to normal.

Parent’s bravery

Reporter: You must have accumulated a lot of knowledge about consequences as well as experience in dealing with this issue of emotional control, so you are confident and dedicated to doing the project “Sweet Beans”?

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: Right.

Beans to me mean something good stay, stop with you. Like a butterfly perched on a flower petal, like a baby frog perched on a lotus leaf. It’s soft and sweet. And it’s just as beautiful as if a child is in your house, in your lap, in your heart. And so it’s SWITCH. Although to get to the sweet, it takes a journey with both bitterness and tears.

But raising children can not expect the level of progress, you need to wait for the tree to grow, let the fruit from green to ripe, wait for the bean to sprout until it becomes sweet.

  Mother prodigy Do Nhat Nam: 'I also have times when I'm angry, to tears' - Photo 3.

Ms. Phan Ho Diep devoted herself to the project “Sweet Beans”

Sweet Beans are Sweet Beans.

In Sweet Dou classes and in courses to guide parents to control emotions (how to praise, how to scold, how to punish children), I often give ways and principles to show through step-by-step to control child’s anger.

For example, parents should have 6 DON’T LOOK when your child is angry, crying, scolding, or sulking:

1. Don’t be rough, hit your child: doing so will only “set an example” for your child to be rough with others.

2. Don’t hold your child’s limbs just to ease his struggle, unless he’s going to do something dangerous right away. The fact that you hold the limbs makes your child more angry.

3. Don’t threaten: Your child will be more emotionally disturbed. Also because of intimidation, some children will become shy, lack confidence or taciturn, hate the person who is used to scare (scare the police, scare ghosts, scares off, threatens the teacher, threatens to tell the father to let them know. father beating… are things that should be avoided).

4. Don’t argue and don’t give in: You can’t argue at the time. Pat your baby gently and be ready to cuddle if she needs to calm down or distract her with another game.

5. Do not humiliate or ridicule your child’s actions, doing so will make them feel ashamed, hate people or they will learn from that action to apply to others.

6. Don’t try to solve problems in public: Take your child somewhere where he can talk privately. It’s both polite and helps you manage the situation easily, reducing stress when people keep trying to tell you to do this or that.

Avoid the mistakes of the old generation

Reporter: It’s easy to say, very difficult to do. Not all parents have the skills to manage anger, then, not always!

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: In case of accidentally causing harm to the child because of my anger, the things parents can do to appease, follow the principle: Take clear water to make up for cloudy water.

After missing out on uncontrolled behaviors, parents should sincerely admit their mistakes, actively reconnect with their children through conversations, games… Those things mean a lot!

Reporter: There is a concern that I think belongs to many people, that: your child is a “prodigy” but their children are not sure, or they do not want to. If parents follow instructions on controlling emotions, raising EQ at “Sweet Beans”, will their children become “prodigies” like yours, or will they become “happy ordinary people”, or some other pattern etc. Have you thought about this?

Ms. Phan Ho Diep: There has not been any course or document that can claim to turn a child into a genius, or a prodigy.

I always think that Nam is normal like other children, and I always try to work with him to create a happy childhood, let him explore, satisfy his interest in self-study, and help him to have self-study ability and ability. strength to overcome challenges and know how to choose the right things.

I also try to help other children, other families also raise their children in peace, so that each child becomes the happiest Baby in the neighborhood.

Any parent is just an imperfect “human with eyes and flesh” and can’t help but get mad at times. But parents will know how to avoid repeating the mistakes (if any) of my parents in the past when raising children; Know how to control behavior to avoid hurting your child.

I just hope so.

PV: Thank you for sharing these.

https://soha.vn/me-than-dong-do-nhat-nam-toi-cung-co-nhung-luc-gian-du-den-trao-nuoc-mat-20220315140336613.htm


According to Thu Minh

Law and readers

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