“Grade 3 discovered that their parents were having an affair, I wonder why they haven’t divorced yet?”
Recently, “adultery” has never been a hot keyword because of a series of celebrity scandals. The news “Miss A is dating that singer”, “The female singer has an affair with the giants” … appear densely all over the newspapers, making many people surprised about the rift. going too quickly of some marriages.
“The first time I knew my mother was having an affair was when I saw a sensitive video on my old phone”
Every child is the same, everyone wants to have a complete family, loving parents and living happily together. Therefore, many children inevitably suffer psychological damage after first discovering that their parents have an outside relationship.
Friend Lan Anh (20 years old) recalls the first time she discovered her mother had outsiders in her own house: “I knew about that terrible thing when I was in 11th grade. At that time, I was rummaging through my mother’s old phone and accidentally saw videos and sensitive photos of her and that uncle.
In the past, my parents often quarreled, but I was still not mentally prepared for this. Because at that time, I was very “stubborn”, always thinking that one day the whole family would come back to be happy together.
At that time, I suddenly remembered all the times my mother talked, put on headphones and tried to speak softly. Sometimes when she goes out, she even puts the phone inside, as if she doesn’t want me to hear it.”
The female student shared more about the psychological trauma and difficult time after learning that the family showed signs of rift: “The first feeling is being betrayed. I think the other friends are too, because after all, my family used to be complete with 4 people. Sometimes when I recall those sensitive images and videos, I suddenly feel shivered and a little scared.
I remember being shocked for weeks at a time, didn’t want to study, didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to tell my dad about this, but also wanted to hide it. In general, I don’t know how to deal with this anymore.
There was a time when I was so sensitive that, if my mother said or did something with a hint of meaning, I was afraid that she would leave the family and follow him. And then, the story Whatever comes will come, parents also think about breaking up.
I used to want to study abroad in Japan. But the time to prepare my profile was greatly affected by psychology, my study also decreased, so I did not achieve the dream scholarship level. After that, I also randomly chose a university in the country. ”
Like Lan Anh, Nhat Nam (22 years old) discovered that her mother had a third person when she was only in elementary school. However, he was not surprised by this secret. Since he was a child, his parents often quarreled and did not spend too much time with his family.
“In 1st grade, I just moved back to live with my parents. When I was in 3rd grade, my parents started arguing all day. I don’t remember when my mother had an affair, because I was too young at that time. I don’t know if my father has a lover or not. Because my father also often calls women a lot, even in front of his mother and daughter.
When I was in 5th grade, in 6th grade, I knew my parents were going to divorce. My mother also did ideological work from an early age, so when my parents said goodbye, I wasn’t too surprised. It just didn’t take that long for the two to get divorced.” – Nhat Nam shared.
How do students cope when their parents have a third person?
Having an adulterous parent is a pain that no child wants to face. Whether a marriage is good or not, children are the ones who understand it best.
In fact, when realizing that their parents have shared their love for the third person, there are children who are shocked and choose to express all their emotions of sadness, joy and anger. However, there are students who calmly face everything. Because for the children, the farewell of their parents is just a “full drop of water” after a long time, the family’s love has not been complete.
Confiding to us, Nhat Nam said that he did not blame his parents for deciding to divorce: “This is an adult story. I wasn’t involved so I couldn’t understand it, so I just ignored it. Actually, my family is not very close. The last time my father was in the army, there was almost no time at home. The number of times a family eats together can only be counted on one finger. Up to now, I have never felt what a normal family would be like.”
Student Lan Anh said that now her mother has her own family and her friend still lives with her father. She confided that she always feels jealous and pitiful every time she visits her mother’s new family:
“It’s a feeling of being alone and lost when I’m with my mom. I’ve never shown it, but I’m really envious when I see my mom playing with her little brother – her step-son and uncle. Thinking back to the times when my mother didn’t care when I lived with my father before, when my mother talked to the new family, I felt extremely uncomfortable. I got even more angry when my mother said ‘I don’t regret’ when she decided to have an affair.”
Finally, Lan Anh said that the trauma of the broken family and the story of having an adulterous mother will still affect the psychology of the girls for a long time.
“When I was in high school, my friends also talked a lot about my mother, saying my family was like this. At that time, my spirit was broken a lot, showing signs of depression. Now, my mood is much better, but the feeling of discomfort when thinking about my mother is still very much. In the future, I want to have a happy family and give my children more positive experiences.” – shared by female students.
The “culprits” that cause adultery should avoid seeing their children for a while
The fact that children find out that their parents are having an affair will be a “fatal blow” that will hurt the children’s souls.
Dr. Vu Thu Huong (lecturer of Primary Education Department, Hanoi National University of Education) said: “When a parent has an affair, the child tends to be jealous for his/her mother/father, because for the child, this is the person who needs to be loved. When the father or mother remarries, a part of the child will be hurt.
The story of parents having an affair will indirectly ‘attack’ the child’s psyche in many aspects. The first is to lose faith. After that, the child will fear that his or her father or mother will become a hurt person. And finally, the psychological dissatisfaction when the people you always love do shameful things. If children in families with famous parents are even more hurt because when they go out, they have to be looked at.”.
Doctor of Psychology Vu Thu Huong
She also gives advice to families broken up because of their parents’ adultery:
“In family relationships, victims of adultery should try their best to clear their minds and show psychological stability in front of their children. Next, you should take your children to amusement parks and resorts. Even moving house if it is necessary to change the environment so that the children do not think too much about the previous days.
Normally when a person has a psychological problem, what reminds them of the trauma is what is around. For example, a child may feel pain when he sees a picture of a happy parent. We should “squeeze” images that might remind us of that painful past. Of course, the pain cannot be reduced 100%, but parents need to minimize it so that the child is not hurt.
As for the ‘culprit’ – the adulterers in this marriage – avoid seeing your children for a while so that the children don’t face the inhibitions caused by their parents. is reduced, the child can choose whether or not to see his/her parent again. That way the new relationship can easily become normal. You should absolutely not force your child to meet those hurtful people again.”
at Blogtuan.info – Source: Kenh14.Vn – Read the original article here
