“Sorry and Thank you kids, for being a child, and for forgiving my parents!”
The following article is the opinion of Mr. Chanh Van Hoang Anh Tu, who is a father of 3 young children, who has also had 12 years of listening to teenage generations and their parents.
In just one week, Hanoi has witnessed two children choose to leave their unfinished lives. A 15-year-old girl, and yesterday, a 16-year-old boy. The adults were shocked and in pain. Then many of us immediately think of blaming our parents and schools for putting too much pressure on our children to study. Because to come to that decision is not a momentary impulse, it is an accumulation over many previous times.
Children in Vietnam in particular and in Asia in general, are rarely listened to by their parents because Asian culture places the right of fatherhood and motherhood above the rights of a child. A child’s opinion is always put behind the will, desire, expectation, and love of the child, many of the parents’ conditions. Yes, I love you with many conditions. Like a good child, the new mother loves. Like a good student, you can get whatever you want. If you listen to me, you will be a good child. As the child complies with all the requirements that the parents set, the child will be met. But even if the child complies but then the parents do not want to, the child must sympathize with the parents’ hard work. As a parent, always ask for your children instead of listening to them. Not to mention, children have to take responsibility for their parents’ face and parents’ face.
Is not! I don’t blame Vietnamese parents. Because I am also a father, I also have the same conditions set for my children as everyone else. It’s just that I, like many other parents, are lucky to have a child who has not yet chosen to leave this life. They still live, still listen to their parents, still forgive each parent’s mistakes in the way they treat them. That they forgive us. They don’t respond to us the way the 16-year-old boy, before he fell from the 28th floor, told his father to read his letter. Hurt. I am convinced of one thing that the other father suffered a painful “punishment” from his son. We don’t need to do anything. What we need to do now is apologize to our children, thank our children for forgiving father and mother.
I believe. I believe many parents, like me, stayed up until 3 a.m. one night reading the boy’s letter. How to analyze, how to query, it still goes back to the fact that we are father and mother, right? How many books, how many theories about parenting and parenting are swarming on the shelves and even on the internet, are there any books that teach us to be the father of our own children? Learning to be a Jewish mother can be a mother of Tun Bong? Teaching American fatherhood can be the father of Pi Nhan? Is German Mother’s teaching applicable to a mother with a child named Duc? Can a Finnish father teach his son to use it for a father with a daughter named Lan? Studying and reading is good, but parenting a child has no curriculum. Because each child is an independent being. They don’t have to be our copies to say “The day I’m your age…”. It is even more impossible to force them to copy the model of “friend A, child of class”, “friend C and uncle of D” or “brother and sister…”. Like my family, 3 children are 3 completely different beings even though they have the same father, the same mother, the same nutrition and even fairness in treatment. Therefore, each child is a separate being and cannot be used to teach one child to be applied to another.
I still hope that parents look at these two tragedies not with heartbreak or judge the parents of two children. We have no right to judge, because where in their situation, we don’t know what really happened. Their parents still have to live, we must continue to support the family, instead of judging.
I just hope that we – when we are more calm – look back on how we are fathers and mothers. Is to Thank and Apologize to our children that they didn’t choose to leave life as a response to our mistakes. Consider yourself lucky for how resilient our children have been. Look and re-evaluate the pressures of parenthood that they have gone through.
The pressure on children is sometimes terrible. My wife once burst into tears when she remembered how pressured she was when her mother came home from work. My mother-in-law also burst into tears and apologized to her son for nearly 30 years of raising him according to her mother’s love, not her child’s. It is to put loving your child above understanding you. Every mother doesn’t love her child, but loving her as she wants is not always what the child needs. Because too many parents do not understand their children.
12 years as Chief Writer, that’s why millions of kids come to me through letters. As parents who do not understand their children. Parenting pressure does not only come from parents’ spanking, including scolding, but sometimes also from parents’ expectations. That’s why I always remind parents: Parenting is a miracle, not expecting it. Children are also pressured even with the proud, proud look of their parents. When parents are proud and proud of their children getting high grades, their children go to a specialized school that makes them afraid of losing, afraid of failure, afraid of disappointing their parents. Pressure also comes from how much parents sacrifice for themselves. Many times, telling children about their parents’ sacrifices puts pressure on them to be perfect so as not to disappoint them. Being a child is also under a lot of pressure, not just money, social position like parents and adults.
Many friends tell me: Being a parent these days is hard. But forget that being a child today is equally difficult. In the past, we just needed to have something to eat and wear to be happy, then to live. Parents scolded a few sentences from ear to ear and that’s it. Dad hit me with a belt, it hurts but tomorrow I’ll scream and play. Mom is angry, then we just need to find a way to escape quickly. But today’s children are more knowledgeable, have more opportunities to access the Internet, so the trauma has also been named.
The children think more deeply, but because they are too young, they do not have enough experience to think out of the negative things, so they go on and on, deeper and deeper into melancholy and depression. Being a child today is therefore more difficult than being a child of our time. And as a parent, we have to change the way every day instead of reapplying the way our parents taught us, raised us up.
Preventing children from choosing the worst way is not to install more screens, move down to low-rise buildings, but to remove the nets that block their ears, their eyes, their understanding of their children. It’s about helping me stand tall in my role as a child. Help your child realize his or her own worth by respecting and listening to them. Help your child develop self-worth so that they know how to appreciate their own self-worth. Because if we read carefully the letter of the 16-year-old boy, we will see that the boy thinks he has no value in the eyes of his parents. What he regrets is only the games he has played, the songs he has not heard and the responsibility of being a child that he does not know how to do. How many children are thinking that they are of little value in the eyes of their parents? How many children mistakenly think its value is just studying well, obeying their parents, not racing, not smoking, not in love, not messing around?
Hello to the parents!
After the heartache that we have gone through when reading, watching these stories, who can look back at their children, look back and evaluate how we have been as fathers and mothers? Are we brave enough to sit down as low as children, temporarily putting aside the rights of fatherhood and motherhood to be on the same level as childhood? To talk to each other fairly as two friends. Is not to judge, judge, criticize your child’s opinion. Is sorry when wrong, thank you when you help me realize my mistake. It is to admit the mistakes you have made you feel unnecessarily pressured. It is to support your child to speak his or her opinion. Is to want you to live as you think, even though it may not be right, there may be many shortcomings.
But we are fathers and mothers until we close our eyes, not just now? So we still have a lot of time to learn with our children to understand what is wrong and correct it, right? The days are wide and long, don’t become angry because of a worry too far away. Don’t try to “say how you understand” but how to understand your child before you want him to understand you. I’m sorry that there was a time when loving parents acted thoughtless. I’m sorry for leaving you alone to bear the pressure. I’m sorry, my parents thought it was good for you. I’m sorry for the times when parents let the rights of fatherhood and mother overwhelm and impose their rights. Apologize for all that you have realized and help your child express things so that you can understand him better.
After the apology comes the thank you. Definitely thanks! Thank you for forgiving my parents. Thank you for teaching me how to be a father and mother as I expected. Thank you for the best things I have as a parent. It is to be grateful for the values that you have created, not for the blessings of your parents.
And parents, we are happy because we have children. Please don’t put too many conditions on that happiness. Love is unconditional, right?
at Blogtuan.info – Source: Soha.vn – Read the original article here
