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3 parenting mistakes of ‘tiger parents’

When parents yell, scold, even spank, there is absolutely no effect on educating children. These are all domestic violence, in which language violence is common.

Scientific research shows that the mistakes of “tiger parents” (parents with a very strict and fierce way of teaching their children) cause children to have many negative problems.

Children’s intelligence is low

Verbal violence, over a long period of time, can change the structure of a child’s brain and affect his intelligence.

Martin A. Teicher, associate professor of psychiatry at McLean Hospital, a leading psychiatric hospital in the United States, part of Harvard Medical School, and colleagues conducted an extensive study of the long-term harms of parenting. hurt children with words.

In 2009, Teicher’s team used DTI (diffuse tension magnetic resonance imaging) to analyze the brains of young adults who had experienced verbal abuse by their parents. The team found a decrease in connectivity between the Wernicke area (the area responsible for understanding language) and the frontal lobe, which is the person’s ability to understand speech poorly.

Similarly, the IQ of those who were regularly exposed to verbal violence by their parents as children was only 112, lower than those who were not often exposed to verbal violence as children (124). .

Therefore, if you constantly scold your child for being “stupid”, the child may grow up to be really unintelligent.

Children’s EQ is very poor

When parents are so angry with their children that they lose control of their emotions, it’s easy to switch to a stress response with the child. The way a parent reacts to a problem teaches the child how to face their problems in the future. Therefore, if you get angry and yell at your child, the child will grow up to handle the problem that way, ie going into the same rut of not being able to control their emotions. Over time, their EQ gets worse and worse.

Children are prone to extremes

Studies by many academics, including Martin A. Teicher, have found that children who were verbally abused by their parents at an early age are more likely to develop mental health problems such as depression feelings, insecurities… in adulthood.

Even if the child is initially completely normal, mentally healthy, under the influence of the “tiger parent” who is always screaming, snarling, ready to inflate and criticize, the child will gradually develop a negative mentality. extreme, wanting to protest, even a strong sense of self-denial. They will feel worthless, as professor Susan Forward writes in her book Toxic Parents: “Children will come to believe what their parents say about them.”

Therefore, when angry, should try to control. Do not turn angry words into spearheads to hurt children’s psyche, affect their attitude and life. Napoleon once said, “A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can conquer a castle”.

Recently, Shenyang Psychological Institute, China made a short film called “How much harm does language do?”. In this documentary, many parents say they don’t want to hurt their children, they regret it after scolding their children. However, when angry, they kill their children without thinking, especially when the child makes them unbearable. Therefore, experts suggest three steps for “tiger” parents to gradually regulate their emotions.

Find a way to “deflate the ball”

You can think of yourself as a bloated balloon, how to find an outlet for those emotions, like how to deflate the balloon. This process is called consent and expression. The first step is to acknowledge your angry feelings and then to find a reason for it through expressing it. For example, you say to yourself: “Yes, I am angry”, “I am angry that my efforts are not being respected by my children”… When you admit your anger, you will have direction to handle it.

Psychological adjustment

Should start by adjusting facial expressions, trick the brain by smiling. Neuroscientists have discovered that the human body can change its own emotions. For example, when you smile, your brain gets the signal and understands that you’re not angry, so your anger will thin out.

You can also take a deep breath, wash your face with cool water to soothe your spirit.

Use formulas to express ideas

The ultimate goal of this job is to solve all problems, make the anger disappear. Therefore, you should express your ideas to yourself: I should do this, I should tell my child this, I should reward – punish my child like this…”. After you have come to a compromise with yourself, you can You can slowly bring up the issue to discuss with the child to achieve the best communication effect.

Thuy Linh (According to QQ)

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