Parents watch now to improve in time
A teacher recounted the story like this: Her class organized ball activities, the teacher saw a boy with good skills, wanted to choose to participate in the performance, but the child firmly refused: “No, miss, I can’t, I can’t.” Meanwhile, many other children in the class, obviously with limited capacity but extremely excited to register. Children’s perception and feelings towards themselves, showing the difference. Some children believe in possibility, dare to explore and experiment, and vice versa.
Remember Professor Ly Mai Can once said: “Confidence is the foundation for one’s success, an important asset in life”. Raising a confident child doesn’t take much, many moments in life seem inadvertent but determine children’s perception of themselves.
In the end, helping the child gain confidence or give birth to low self-esteem, it’s all in the parents’ mind.
01. Discovery: Allowing and Preventing
Yuyou (China) 1 year old is eating lunch, she holds a spoon in her hand, her hand is not strong, so she sprinkles food on the dining chair and clothes. The mother saw that Yuyou was “clumsy” so she took a spoon and fed her child one sip at a time. Of course, the table after that was very clean, but it extinguished the most precious feeling in the heart of the child. It is the ability to be independent. From “don’t allow” to “don’t do”, then to “don’t dare”, finally evolved to “I can’t”.
Patient parents will allow their children to try and work hard, even when they are young. In a safe environment that allows children to learn skills and try to explore, is to help children continuously gain a sense of accomplishment, and lays the foundation of confidence.
02. Failing: Encourage or criticize
Wei Wei, 3 years old, walking and jumping, accidentally tripping, mother rushed over, while supporting her child, angrily reproached: “Tell me how many times, walk a little slower, baby still not listening”. The boy listened to his mother, buried his head in his clothes, thinking in his heart: “Mom is right, I am not good, I should not run so fast”. So the boy walking became careful, his ears always echoing the criticism of his mother, he fell into a black hole “self-attack”.
Foresight parents in the face of their children’s failures provide timely encouragement and support. Parents are like a big mountain, giving their children a complete sense of security, so that they have the courage to face difficulties, trusting more in their body and strength, not just always. quote.
03. Making a mistake: A good guide to using punishment
A 7-year-old girl in Guangdong stole a toy in a shopping mall, her mother insisted on giving her a lesson, then angrily reported to the police to catch the “thief”. This mother’s starting point is to want her child to pay the “painful” price, thereby having a taboo mentality, thereby standardizing and limiting her behavior.
This approach is very effective, but it also causes the child to be afraid, making the child shy, cowardly, and self-deprecating. Children no longer dare to trust the outside world and their parents, turning their inner pain and dissatisfaction into the power of self-attack.
Children make mistakes, if parents can follow positive discipline, convey to the child the right values, gently and firmly help the child to develop, not the punishment and discipline, let the child Immerse yourself in love and warmth, can establish self-esteem, love yourself from there change.
04. Score: Accept and Compare
“The test others can complete, why can’t you?”; “How can you only get 8 points, look at Miss A’s children, Miss B’s”… many parents have the habit of using the comparison method, borrowing “other people’s children” to measure their children’s lives. surname. While this may seem like a loving “urgency” for the child, it is essentially a “hidden denial”.
Denying the child’s uniqueness, denying the child’s existence, denying his efforts, living in the shadow of rejection, the child can hardly get rid of his inferiority. In fact, each child has his or her own talent, and actually accepting your child, even if they are normal, will help the child become a better version of himself, not in a “war” with others. win the championship. Children who are recognized and accepted can learn to appreciate themselves, cultivating the sprout of self-confidence.
05. The concept of money: Indifferently or complaining about poverty and suffering
A mother takes her daughter to buy stationery, her daughter stares at a pink iron pen box and the price tag “100 thousand dong”. Instead of heeding her daughter’s wishes, the mother used 30,000 dong, bought a box of plastic stationery, and told her daughter: “We don’t have that much money, you can’t spend it indiscriminately, this is good enough.” Gradually, the “family without money” became a “thorn in the heart” of the girl.
In class reunions, shopping with friends, meeting her favorite guy, she will always think of money as a big obstacle, and dare not communicate with the outside world. For children, parenting poverty is like a spell that will wrap around the child’s heart, thinking he is inferior, affecting interpersonal relationships, and self-esteem.
A child’s childhood doesn’t require a lot of material things to fill, but the most important thing is to let them feel that they are worthy. Regardless of the parents’ economic condition, moderately allowing children to feel the joy that money brings, without trying to complain of poverty, this only brings about the child’s inner feelings of guilt and lack. Instead, establish a healthier consumption perspective for your child.
06. Being Bullied: Protecting a Suspicious Child
Kang Kang, 10, told his mother that he was always bullied by his classmates, not only stealing his homework and books, but also occasionally kicking him in the body. The mother listened and asked: “Why do you always bully me, don’t bully others, I must be teasing you, that’s why”.
Kang Kang lowered his head, unable to justify it, he didn’t know why his classmates always beat him up, it was so hard to muster up his courage, begged his mother for help, and was watered with cold water. Kang Kang isolating, under the suspicion and indifference of his parents, becomes a drifting island, unable to find someone who can trust and help.
When a child asks a parent for help, your response can determine whether the child is released from fear or goes further into the abyss. Tell children not to be afraid, steadfastly support and be the back to help them go from darkness to light, from inferiority to confidence.
07. Study Skills: Appreciate or Reject
The 9-year-old spent an afternoon sewing a craft. The mother who came home from work saw it and mocked a sentence: “You’re too clumsy, don’t do anything like that!” then left to cook. The child, who was in high spirits, instantly lost his spirit, and his mood was low.
Educators once said, not to criticize children’s weaknesses, but to find the child’s strengths, try to praise. Children’s confidence is built on self-assessment, and in the initial self-assessment, often based on external assessment by parents. Parents praise their children more than let children absorb the feeling of accomplishment from the evaluation of others, forming a positive self-perception. On the contrary, long-term rejection will instill a signal – “you can’t”, and the child’s confidence will crumble.
08. Negative Emotions: Respect or Exclusion
Does your child dare to cry in front of you? A friend said that she never dared to cry in front of her parents, when she was young, her parents pushed her out the door, when she didn’t cry, she was allowed to enter the house. In her heart she hid too many grievances and fears, later, even if there was a lot of bitterness, she voluntarily swallowed it herself, not daring to let her parents know. “Fear” was the basic color of her childhood, “shy” has become an indelible mark in her personality.
When a child has negative emotions, such as crying, anger, it is a time for parental love and reassurance, if the response the child receives is parental rejection and suppression, the child Children will feel unloved. Children will be devoured by fear and helplessness, doubt their worth and sense of existence, and even develop a “favorable” personality.
Allowing children to have negative emotions and see the child’s inner pain and need, this “healing” power contains tremendous energy of love. Then, gradually help children express their feelings, and more rational ways to vent emotions. This respect and companionship can instill in children full love, trust in parents and the world, and learn to love themselves.
09. Choice: Let go of your hand or take control
On the stage of “super speaker”, a person named Phan Sieu told about 19 years of living under his mother’s control. Small enough that the food is always regulated, so big that it changes his son’s college entrance exam. She even warned her son: “Don’t go to an internet cafe, if you don’t step in one of your legs, I’ll break that leg.”
Psychologists say that parents with a strong desire to control can make their children feel helpless and continue to fall into a storm of self-rejection. The flip side of a parent’s desire for control is over-alignment and the resulting helplessness of the child.
When parents remove the anxiety in their hearts, trust in the child’s abilities, give him space to create free growth and fly, can unleash the child’s vitality and self-confidence. children, make them more responsible, dare to rely on their wings to fly freely.
Parents can not be friends with their children for life, helping them develop a confident attitude will be the path to adulthood, the most precious gift.
at Blogtuan.info – Source: Kenh14.Vn – Read the original article here
