Growing up in the “cold house”

“Intense Childhood”

“I still remember when I was in eighth grade, one afternoon after school, my neighbor stood in front of the school gate and shouted: “Hey, your father has a concubine, are you not ashamed?”, accompanied by laughter amused. At that moment, my face darkened, choking in my throat, I could only stand like heaven,” K. Van recalls sadly.

Now, K.Van, a student at a college, once bitterly called her family with the two words “home”. Van said when she was 12 years old, her mother gave birth to a baby, and her father started having an affair. Since then, her father was almost “innocuous” with the family, Van’s mother alone raised and taught the two sisters with a meager teacher salary.

Looking back on her childhood, Van only remembers meals with mother and child; On the nights when Van had a high fever, only her mother took her child to a doctor; the day Van took the exam for good students, the day of the graduation exam, the days of admission… only her mother was by her side.

Since her father’s affair, she no longer has her father by her side (Illustration image – SHUTTERSTOCK)

Explaining the absence of the father’s image in her memory, she said: “My father was busy indulging in emotional amusements, one woman after another. Father was always gentle and generous with women outside, but was ready for our mother and us to beat and curse.”

Although on the surface, Van’s family is still full of parents, Van’s father is still in the same house, still driving the car to work in the morning, returning late at night – normal in the eyes of neighbors and family. However, Van said that her mother and daughter were always in a cold atmosphere. Cold from the indifferent attitude that father towards his two daughters, from the beatings, from tears, from the trays of rice that her father never touched, but her mother always took care of. The coldness also comes from Van’s mother’s resignation to weakness. She tries every day for her son to have a father, so that the neighbors don’t laugh at him or disagree, so that the children don’t have to suffer from a temporary, temporary life… when they have to leave the house.

Also suffering from the aftershocks of his parents’ unhappy marriage, a young man named Mai An (17 years old, District 9, HCMC) lamented that the years of living with his family were days. hauntings of my childhood. The memory of her parents in her is the quarrels, fights to the point of bleeding, even though she cries and cries. His mother started having an affair and left An and his father when he was nine years old. Since then, my father started drinking, gambling and pouring all his hatred on me.

An’s childhood was the spanking without reason of his father, the nights of crying all his knees because he missed his mother. In parent-teacher meetings, An’s relative’s seats are almost empty. When An was 13 years old, her father died of cirrhosis of the liver. Locking the door, packing some ragged clothes, I moved in to stay at my grandmother’s house.

“People have big dreams, I just want to have a happy meal with my father and mother once. But now that dream can’t be realized anymore,” Nguyen An said.

People wish for big things, I just wish for a happy meal (Illustration image – SHUTTERSTOCK)

The past clings, haunts

Longing for her mother’s love and without her father’s protective care, An grew up in a careless and unruly mood. The old and weak grandmother can’t teach her pubescent grandchild. At the age of 14, An was familiar with beer bars and places to hang out. No goals in life, no need to rise, brazen and stubborn, the new young man entered life, engaged in gambling, followed his seniors to earn money…. Smiling bitterly after taking a long drag, An said:

“I wish that on that day, my mother would not leave because of her own love, my life might be different now.”

For K.Van, the lack of support from his father forced Van to study hard to support himself, his mother and his younger brother. It was her father who wrote the divorce papers so that he could sell his house and take money with his mistress. Van could only comfort her mother: “In misfortune, there is luck”. Both mother and child are healthy. Van’s sister is also good at studying. My mother is teaching and selling online at the same time. They stayed at an inn that was not comfortable enough, but no longer fluttered with fear of the authority of the father.

Although she is at the age of love, her friends are all looking for a lover, Van always refuses boyfriends who come to her. Memories of the ruin and trauma of the past never ceased to haunt Van. Her parents also had a beautiful love in college. Van confided that the image of her father’s adultery and heartlessness, deception was painted and imposed on her boyfriend by her, so that she had to say goodbye to her love.

Each tree has only one shade, just like a father and mother cannot protect many families at the same time. How can “cold house” nurture warm things for children’s souls? And children who grow up without the shade of protection more or less experience psychological trauma in childhood and last into adulthood.

According to www.phunuonline.com.vn