Can’t forget the ex even though he only considers me as his lover

I was born and raised in a poor family, loved by my parents, although not as much as my sister and brother. From the moment I realized it, I always felt that I was inferior to my sisters in every way. During nine years of school, I was always the best student in the class, the school. But for some reason I didn’t get into the provincial specialized school when I went to high school like my sister and brother.

I embarrassed my family with relatives and neighbors when I fell into a charter school. Since then, my self-doubt has grown. I closed myself, didn’t smile like before, was always alone, didn’t make friends. During my two years of high school, I only had three close female friends, who were considered sisters because we all had sorrows with our families, cried together, and comforted each other. At that time, I always thought that it would be better for me to die, and had no motivation to continue living. It seems that God saw through my thoughts and brought him, who gave me the motivation to continue living.

He and I were classmates in high school, but we didn’t play together until the end of 11th grade. We were officially close friends in 12th grade and were admitted to the “Family” group consisting of me, the other three girls, him and two male friends. other. Our group was happy with many memories. Whatever happens, you and I have special feelings for each other. He hinted at confessing his love but not directly, only through text messages. I’m worried if he’s serious or if it’s just a student’s love that soon fades, when it’s over, he won’t be able to be friends anymore, can’t see each other anymore, and can’t share everything with each other. Because I was not sure about that feeling, I suppressed my feelings and rejected him to keep our friendship. When I knew that he wanted to enter the army to become an officer, following his father’s profession, I knew that I should end this relationship.

>> Over 10 years I still love my ex

I didn’t want to interfere with my father’s career path for my family, so I decided to bury this love. I always try to show my close friendship with him, nothing more, nothing less. Love between men and women, I keep it to myself, I don’t confide in anyone in the group. Then he did not study officers but studied business. The day he was about to go to Saigon to go to school, he texted me: “Wait for me for four years”. Just a simple sentence, but I thought to myself that I will wait for him for four years, wait for the day when he clearly defines his feelings and speaks directly to me.

We keep caring, sharing everything even the worst of the family. Unexpectedly, in the second year of university, I received a message: “I have a lover. The person I have been pursuing for a long time has agreed to be my girlfriend”. Word by word caught my eye, I was disappointed, sad and knew what it was like to be heartbroken. We gradually drifted apart. Without you by my side, I staggered in the middle of Saigon so that each day passed in vain. Then I tried to meet new people, but because my love for him was too great, I couldn’t open my heart. The relationship ended after just over 20 days (later I knew that person, I also met another girl when I met him).

Then he contacted me again after breaking up with his girlfriend for a while. We went back to being close friends, continuing to share everything with each other, but not like before. I feel a distance between us, I don’t know what it is, I just know I can’t reach it. After many things happened, because I wanted to forget him, I decided to marry the person introduced. Again we do not communicate with each other. Think about getting married, consider that you and I will end everything, later we will meet again just old classmates. Ironically, my wedding didn’t happen. He secretly married another girl a week before the scheduled wedding with me. One pain after another, I wanted to free myself.

>> How can I stop missing my old love after so many years?

He came again, comforting and caring, helping me through that lost phase. Because of the guilt that I don’t deserve him, I don’t allow myself to express my feelings. Then I received news that his family had migrated to another province. It’s been 10 years since I’ve been used to seeing each other every Tet, now thinking about him not coming back to our hometown, I cry a lot. Every time I miss him, I go to the sea, which contains many memories of both of us. Thinking that it was over, we would no longer see each other, God once again teased us. He and I meet again, this time the relationship has progressed, we love each other. For me, he has always been the most important person. Just with you, I will feel safe, happy and motivated to continue. When we met, I was very happy.

Due to the nature of his work, he is always busy. I understand and love him for his hard work and great pressure, so it took him a month or two to come see him. I am still happy, not complaining even though the two are only nearly 10 km apart. It would be completely happy if he wasn’t too careless, apathetic, leaving me to participate in a few days of fun with friends, men and women, taking each other out, every time there was no news even though just one message. He just kept going like that, from time to time, and then teasing comments pairing him and another girl in the group hanging out on social networks appeared. Even if I don’t want to think about it, the things that happened in the past keep popping up in my head, I’m afraid I’m not confident enough about his feelings for me.

I wrote goodbye, told him all my thoughts and feelings. I thought he would explain or do something to make me feel more secure. But no, he finished reading and then kept quiet, agreeing to break up, no explanation, no meeting. Without him, I went back to the way I was before, a child laughing during the day but crying silently at night. I’m precarious, don’t know where to go, what to do, just survive for the day. I try to change, find motivation, joy through travel, sports, reading, meditation, socializing with colleagues, lounging, gathering with friends.

>> The perfect new person that I always miss my old love

No matter how hard I try, I still can’t have fun and mingle with everyone. He said he didn’t love me, only considered me as a lover, but three years since the breakup, I still can’t forget him, every night I cry and hurt when I think of him. My body and mind gradually weakened, now I have to take medicine and take time off work every time the pain strikes. Can’t forget, can’t continue to suffer like this, what should I do?

I know there will be readers who say they think too negatively, are weak, pessimistic, live without goals and responsibilities. Compared to being somewhat filial to my parents, taking care of my sister for 15 years in Saigon, and creating conditions for my brother to have a stable job, there are only two things left for me to achieve my goal. No matter what people say, I thank you for listening to this story.

Flower

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