Writer Hoang Anh Tu shares 13 signs “MOOTHER IS POISON”
When giving birth to a child in the world, every parent wants their child to develop comprehensively both physically and mentally. They want to give their children the best, but sometimes the wrong application method makes them hurt. And sadly most parents don’t realize it. Gradually, they pushed the baby away from their arms, unintentionally creating a large distance.
Facing that situation, recently writer Hoang Anh Tu – former Chanh Van of Hoa Hoc Tro Newspaper wrote an article sharing 13 signs that “poisonous parents” will harm their children. The writer also made a call to parents to consult soon to have a way to “detoxify” themselves.
Writer Hoang Anh Tu.
1. Unable to create a safe and supportive environment for your child
Some parents believe that difficult emotions will teach their children what the outside world is like. Of course, this can help children become more independent. But it can also cause children to have problems with attachment and no close relationships later in life. The truth is that everyone needs affection and love. We need the assurance that, no matter what we say or do, our parents will always love us unconditionally.
2. Criticize your child’s every action
Every parent wants the best for their child, but saying that your child is always wrong is not a healthy way to raise a child. Saying negative things will leave children without confidence and motivation to challenge new things. It’s normal for children to make mistakes and learn from them, and parents should understand that.
Being overly judgmental is not a good way to teach. Parents should find a balance between positive and negative feedback. Please support instead of discouragement.
3. Requires attention
Toxic parents often think that their children owe them something because they have spent so much time and energy on them. They don’t understand that their children also have their own lives and are not always with them.
So the best thing parents can do is give their kids some space. And then you will want to return to them yourself. No relationship can be forced, not even a parent-child relationship.
4. Malicious jokes
The same goes for emotionally abusive relationships, where one party insults the other with a smile. Teasing a child and pointing out all the flaws has a very bad effect on his confidence and self-esteem.
So if you are a parent, never mock your child because of his appearance or behavior. If you really care, find a way to talk to your child in a private and mature way.
5. Put all the blame on the child
There are parents who think that it is the child that causes them to treat their children badly. If a parent has a tendency to physically or emotionally abuse a child, it is almost certainly not the child’s fault. Since most children respect and believe everything their parents say, this can be deeply hurtful to children.
6. Do not allow your child to express thoughts and feelings
We all have happy times and sad times. It is very important to express all thoughts and not suppress negative emotions. Such conversations can prevent mental and physical illnesses.
Teaching children with a “boys don’t cry” attitude is very unhealthy. Crying and expressing emotions help children become empathetic, caring, and loving in the future. Suppressing all emotions can lead to depression and loneliness. So if you’re a parent, encourage your child to speak up about how he feels.
7. Acting fierce and scary
Rules and discipline are important to some extent, but your child should never be afraid of you. If you raise your child in an environment where everything happens to be your fault and the child is punished all the time, then the child will become afraid to talk to you. This also affects later life and your child may not want to be around you anymore.
There is a huge difference between respecting your parents and being afraid of them. It’s important to create a safe and loving environment and make your child feel that no matter what, they can always talk to you and get advice from you.
8. Only think for themselves
Every parent should consider the thoughts and opinions of their children. Of course, parents are smarter and know what’s best (in most cases), it’s important to include the whole family in the decision-making process.
No matter where to go, to eat or to travel, you should have a say. And if you end up making a choice against your child’s wishes, explain to your child why he made that decision with calm and understanding.
9. Desire to fulfill their own dreams through children
It is selfish to force children to do what their parents wanted to do when they were young. For example, don’t force your child to learn ballet if you want to be a ballerina. Or do not force your child to study Law because you once dreamed of becoming a successful lawyer. Your child is an individual with his or her own thoughts, ideas, and world. Let them make their own decisions because otherwise, no one will be happy.
10. Controlling your child with money and guilt
Parents should not expect anything in return when giving gifts or giving money to their children. As a parent, don’t try to buy your children’s love and respect. Seek and enjoy it in another way. Also, don’t try to correct your mistakes with money or gifts. It’s important to admit your mistake and apologize to your child because actions speak louder than words.
11. Solve problems with silence
Solving a problem or an argument by keeping your mouth shut is a very childish and thoughtless act. With any relationship, communication is key and you have to be clear about everything. This passive, aggressive behavior only teaches children unhealthy ways of communicating.
12. Ignore boundaries
If a father or mother wants their children to respect them, they must respect their children. This means sticking to boundaries and agreements. If you are a parent who is never on time, how do you expect your child to be? Plus, give them some space and privacy. For example, knock on the door before entering your child’s room, especially during puberty.
13. Forcing children to be responsible for their parents’ happiness
Don’t be a parent who just talks about how much has been sacrificed for their children and how their children are taking care of their parents. Being a parent is your choice and responsibility, you can’t expect your child to give up life just to support and entertain you.
Don’t be a burden to your child. Because of that, you won’t want to spend time with your parents. If you’re unhappy, do something about it and don’t blame your children. Remember, we are all responsible for our own happiness.
Finally, writer Hoang Anh Tu summarizes: “There are some very toxic and negative parenting styles. They can leave a lasting legacy on the child and make it difficult for the child’s future relationships. So be the father, the one. the best mother possible, giving her child a safe home but also enough personal space.
Talk to your child about important things and feelings, but don’t overwhelm him. Let them make mistakes and let them know that they will always be there to support them.”
at Blogtuan.info – Source: Afamily.vn – Read the original article here
