Want to love yourself more

From a young age, I always tried to study to meet the expectations of my parents. Then I got pressured because of the score. The curses, contempt always haunted me in my sleep for a while. It seems that I have some problems expressing emotions, unable to clearly show positive emotions on my face such as excitement, joy, amazement. I feel guilty about that.

To overcome that feeling, I started to learn how to smile even though it looked so fake. I can hardly fit in with people, always feel I am different. I have trouble joining a conversation, when talking to my friends in class. At that time, my mind was blank, I could only put on a fake smile. I always try to please people because that’s the only way to feel valuable, but it’s really tiring.

I have a friend that I played with for two years, now we are like enemies. If we talk about the psychological state, we are “eight pounds, half a pound”. She is very selfish, has high self-esteem and especially does not like to admit mistakes about herself. Her personality is also part of the reason why their friendship broke down. I don’t feel safe when playing with you, her friendship is considered an arbitrary one because I crave the feeling of being cared for.

>> Women need to love themselves

I learned how to be a good friend. She has no money for breakfast, I give. She didn’t know how to do the homework, I explained again. She is sad, I comfort her; but that’s just me unilaterally paying the price. After two years of friendship, my psychological state went downhill without stopping, sometimes even thinking about it. She did not respect my payment, arbitrary but selfish. I dare not propose to end this friendship, partly out of fear, partly because there is really nothing, besides her who do I have friends with?

What will happen will come, just a few days ago she texted me cursing me terribly. I’m funny, is it my fault? Learning than you is by me? More respect is due to me? Two years of being friends, I really don’t lack her for anything. Now I give up. However, maybe it’s because of habit that I can’t stop thinking about her, always feeling sad, angry, frustrated, tired. I want to live for myself but I don’t know how. How can I get through this phase? I really feel so tired.

Dung

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