Ana never thought that her relationship with her boyfriend would be as difficult as it is now, because before falling in love, he always seemed indifferent and distant.
“But when we got together, everything changed dramatically. He controlled me and said ‘we’re in sync,'” the 22-year-old girl, from the US, shared.
The boyfriend said he sees them as a single entity. He always wanted to “cook porridge” on the phone for many hours in a row even though he lived two blocks apart, wanted her to like the food he liked… Ana gradually realized that she was in a “no boundary” relationship.
According to psychiatrist Era Dutt, USA, is it possible to understand relationships? boundary is two people who don’t have their own space, are too controlling for each other and end up doing things they don’t like.
At first such relationships make us feel as though we are loved by the other person, but gradually realize their toxic nature as control becomes apparent.
Not having boundaries while in love will make you control, lose your personal space, and the relationship will gradually deteriorate. Image: Vice
The root of controlling love can be traced back to our relationship with our parents. In some cases, parents will over-control every aspect of their children’s lives. Even when the child is ready to go out into the world, these parents instill fear about new friends, new jobs.
A two-year study of preschoolers and their parents, conducted by the National Institutes of Health, found a strong link between strong relationships at home and the way children communicate outside. . The study concluded that parents and children with high control increased negative emotions, such as anger, in children.
Experts who conducted the study said that many parents raise the level of affection for their children, try to be loving, devoted, and spend a lot of time with their children, but in the end, they end up with their children. love Theirs is only a means to satisfy their own needs.
For Shivani, a 24-year-old public relations executive, the “no boundaries” relationship has taken a dark turn. He was his first love in college. She accepts her boyfriend’s control, that true love is calling each other 5 times a day, keeping him updated on his schedule and prioritizing him over everything else, even if this means drifting apart. relationships with family and friends.
But everything changed when her boyfriend forcibly kissed her at an event at school. Like Ana’s lover, Shivani’s boyfriend also doesn’t allow her to have any discretion with her wishes. “I woke up when my best friend said this isn’t love,” she said.
When Shivani learns about her boyfriend’s behavior, she realizes that he lacked affection in childhood. He is very close to his mother but instead of acting as a guardian, she depends on him for comfort and love. “So I became his only source of comfort,” Shivani said. After much suffering, they finally parted.
And Bijoy, a 28-year-old urban planner, shared that even though her boyfriend had moved to another city to work, he still accepted to go more than three hours a day just to be together. “I can’t say no. I feel like he’s taken over my personal space and pushed me into a corner. Usually, when I’m in the middle of a busy Monday, he’ll skip school to come over. met me, urged me to go to a museum or see a movie,” Bijoy said.
Psychiatrist Era Dutt advises that people can recognize it earlier by not alienating friends when they have a lover. “Often, your friends or other trusted support systems will let you know if you’re in a controlling relationship, because they’ll see a radical change in you.” she said.
Another way to know is to notice if your worldview and thoughts are similar to your boyfriend’s. “Are you going to listen to the songs they like, eat the foods they like. Ask yourself if these new things fit the core of who you are. You may also feel that the relationship has become boring. bored because everything is the same,” she said.
Psychologist Pallavi Barnwal, in the US adds, if you feel like you are in this type of relationship, the first thing to ask yourself is do you want that person in your life? Do you think this boundless relationship is an expression of love? Are you staying with them out of habit and fear of being alone?…
If there’s a yes to any of these, Barnwal suggests finding newer ways to enrich your life. Maybe spend more time with your parents, read a book, adopt a pet, or find a new hobby. You have to expand your life span and avoid people who tire you out. Once you find yourself stressing over this relationship, seek professional help.
Bao Nhien (According to Vice)
at Blogtuan.info – Source: vnexpress.net – Read the original article here
