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Transgender boy’s first time father

Hai DuongAt the age of 30, Hoang Thi Linh never believed that one day she would be a husband and a father, but now he has satisfied both of them.

From a young age, Hoang Thi Linh, 32 years old, from Kim Thanh, Hai Duong knew that inside his soul was a man. Since entering university, Linh cut her hair short, wore men’s clothes, and lived like a boy.

On August 30, 2018, Hoang Thi Linh hid her family and flew to Thailand to undergo gender reassignment surgery. His journey is more arduous when he meets and falls in love with the girl Nguyen Thi Luu, from Bac Giang. The unusual love affair once caused both of them to encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles and even life and death.

After 6 years, their love has changed the mind of both sides of the family. In December 2020, Linh led the groom’s family to pick up the bride. Not long after the wedding, the transgender man decided to move to chapter two on his “life-bending” journey: Giving birth.

“Actually, when I got married, I didn’t even dare to dream of having children. But after witnessing a successful IVF friend, having twins, I had more courage to make my dream of becoming a father come true,” Linh said. speak.

Linh and Luu took wedding photos in Ha Giang, the land that Linh loves the most and also the reason he named his daughter Ha Giang.  Photo: Truong Hung

Linh and Luu take wedding photos in Ha Giang, December 2020. Image: Truong Hung

In 2021, when Linh’s work was delayed due to the strong Covid-19 epidemic, the couple devoted all their time to the journey of finding children. “When it was certain that we were pregnant, we informed our family. They all burst into tears,” Linh said.

People who do in vitro fertilization (IVF) often pass the warning “one hard, one thousand hard”. Linh and his wife also experienced heart attack threats. When Luu was about eight weeks pregnant, she discovered “30% vesicles”. Many cases are not timely intervention leading to stillbirth.

In Hoang Linh’s life, there were two times “counting every minute”. The first time was when he had a car accident at Pha Din Pass (on the border of Son La and Dien Bien provinces) during a charity trip in early 2017. The second time was an infection after transgender surgery in Thailand. Alone in a foreign land, Linh panicked thinking: “If the worst happens, how will I return to the motherland?”.

“I thought I was used to suffocating events, but for my children, I once again counted time,” Linh shared.

He whirled around to find all the reasons to explain his wife’s phenomenon, took care of her in bed, and then counted the days for a full week to go back to the doctor. The couple breathed a sigh of relief, thanking heaven and earth and the baby for still being there.

But just two weeks later, Linh’s wife was bleeding again. On the 20 km journey to the hospital, Linh prayed to God for a little luck so that his wife would not have to suffer any more anesthesia or anesthesia. Behind, Luu’s hands interlaced, bursting into tears. Arriving at the hospital, a female nurse received and reassured: “It’s not dangerous”. Linh still couldn’t believe it until his wife came out of the ultrasound room and raised her hand to sign “OK”.

Linh accompanies his wife throughout her pregnancy.  Pictured is the time before embryo transfer.  Photo: Character provided

Linh and her husband at the hospital on the day of embryo transfer. Image: Characters provided

From week 12 onwards, the wife started to have morning sickness. Every time he recalls that period, the husband suddenly feels shivers. Pregnancy made Liu from a resilient girl who resisted her whole family for 6 years to marry the person she loved, suddenly became weak. No matter what, no matter how small, she cried. If you can’t sleep at night, you cry, when you can’t sleep, you cry, your husband can’t buy food in time for morning sickness. There were days when she cried so much that her husband only worked hard to find ways to comfort her.

She also vomited to the point where she ate her main meals and snacks. Worried about his wife, Linh suggested all kinds of dishes. But many times when three legs and four legs rushed to buy and bring back, she didn’t eat anymore. Fortunately, around 16 weeks, Luu reduced morning sickness, cried less, and since then the pregnancy has stabilized. The wife said, her husband brought her rice and water to pour for her during the first 5 months, taking her to 25/26 antenatal care visits. Every weekend, I let her go out to have a good mood.

In the last months of pregnancy, he personally went to buy clothes for his baby, did the laundry, and dried the clothes in front of the room door, sometimes looking out at a sign saying that the things he bought were cute. But because he is a father for the first time, he buys clothes that will fit until the age of 3. “The funniest thing was when I went to the ultrasound, the doctor complimented me on ‘long legs and pretty girl’. When I got back to the red light stop for 30 seconds, he told me to get out of the car to open the trunk to take out the ultrasound picture of my baby, then kiss him. A photo in the middle of an intersection with many people passing by,” Liu said.

Linh reads books to her children, at her hometown in Hai Giang in April 2022.  The young father said he had a treasure trove of adventures to tell his daughter throughout his childhood.  Photo: Character provided

Linh reads books to her children, at her hometown in Hai Duong in April 2022. Image: Characters provided

On April 5, their baby was born.

The first few days the wife did not have milk, so she had to give the baby formula. The young father was constantly scolded by the doctor for not giving his baby a bottle but taking a spoon to feed or mixing milk in the wrong ratio. Up to now, he is still as clumsy as before, but the baby is more attached to his father than his mother.

Half a month after the baby was born, Linh was forced to say goodbye to his wife and children and returned to work as a tour guide. The first night away from her father’s arms, little Ha Giang kept widening her eyes, coaxing her to not sleep. Linh texted his wife: “I will try to use your shirt as a pillow for my children”. Unexpectedly, since lying on her father’s shirt, she fell asleep.

From the top land of the country, the transgender father envisions a day when the little princess roams everywhere and watches her child grow up after each trip. He promised himself only to decide on the date of birth and the date of birth. The rest will share with you as a friend, protect you like a brother and of course still tolerate and sacrifice for you like a father.

“If the child is born with the same fate as his father, I will not leave him alone on that journey,” the father said.

Phan Duong

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