My mother-in-law wants me to take care of two anniversaries every year

My husband is the oldest child in a family of four sisters, one girl and three boys. Every year, the husband’s family has two anniversaries, the death anniversary of the father-in-law and the grandfather-in-law combined one because the same month and the death anniversary of the mother-in-law. In the past, when it came to the death anniversary, my mother-in-law often gave me enough money to take care of the table. Every year, I go to the market alone, cook four trays, the other descendants only come back about 30 to 60 minutes before the time to bring the tray up to burn incense.

I’m really uncomfortable when children are not lacking but basically just go to the kitchen. I told my mother-in-law about it, but she said before: “You have to sympathize because the uncles and uncles are busy with work and are far away”. In fact, the person who is farthest away is only 80 km and they have been busy since the first year I got married until now. This year, she directly said that my wife and I didn’t have to spend anything at that house, meaning that we didn’t have to pay for the house, so from now on we have to take care of our anniversary, take care of AZ, not just cook.

>> Wife suffers because of difficult mother-in-law

For me, four trays is not a problem, but when I do it alone, it is uncomfortable. I think the late death anniversary is an opportunity for children and grandchildren to gather, return and work together to bond with each other. The husband’s family does not think so, thinks that the culture here is like that, my husband also thinks it is right and I am a bride, so I have to follow. Over 40 years old, now I am struggling with questions: Am I wrong? What is the cultural standard here? Or did my biological parents educate me in cognitive distortions? I went back to looking for the correct answer to properly educate my children, because I was afraid that my daughter would bump into a different culture. If you have any ideas, please share them with me, thank you very much.

moon

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