When we ask a successful person about their journey, we always hear about all the insecurities, fears, disappointments… they have endured.
Susan David, a psychologist from Harvard University, shows how to recognize and deal with these obstacles in the book “Overcoming the Emotional Trap” (original title “Emotional Agility”).
Emotional Trap 1: Fear of social pressure
People tend to choose what many around them choose, because “everything would be much easier and quicker if we followed the crowd,” writes Susan David.
Therefore, when you decide to pursue something different, like a new field of study or a new way of life, you are bound to encounter a lot of social pressures, which are accompanied by emotions that cannot be taken lightly: any security, hesitation, skepticism, comparing yourself to others, loss of motivation…
“Let’s say you’re a female freshman with dreams of becoming a doctor, but you’ve grown up in a culture that always teaches you that ‘girls are bad at science.’ Then you get a bad grade on your test. First test in biology. Chances are you’ll change majors and give up on your dreams.” The solution, according to the author of “Overcoming the Emotional Trap,” is to “know what’s important to you.”
What values are you able to or cannot compromise on? Passion, kindness, environmental protection, integrity? Susan David believes that strong values help you to have more willpower and consistency, and to be more resistant to criticism, stereotypes and limiting beliefs.
Emotion Trap 2: Regret your comfort and your old self
When it comes to upgrading themselves, many people regret the comfort and familiarity of the old road. Do not dare to move to the city for many opportunities because of regretting the relationship in the current city; do not dare to run their own business for fear of losing the stability of office life…
Unpleasant emotions also come from letting go of an old identity. We often find it difficult to discover new things when we are still attached to the “golden pieces of the past”, such as the image of an outstanding student or an excellent employee.
“There are losses with every choice. You give up a path you didn’t choose and any giving up brings with it sadness, pain or even regret,” Susan wrote.
This psychologist’s advice is to let go of your “old-fashioned” desires and reinforce the meanings you’ll feel when you act in alignment with your future goals.
Emotion Trap 3: Discomfort when doing new things
Besides giving up the familiar, the thought of doing something unfamiliar also brings up negative emotions. Changing and reinventing yourself isn’t fun or easy, at least when you’re in the process.
For example, if you have a fear of socializing and an acquaintance invites you to a party, your easiest response would probably be to decline. But if going to the party is important to you, or fosters a new value you’re aiming for (friendship, sociality, etc.), you’ll work to overcome your fears and accept the invitation. When it comes to the party, you’ll have to experience a different kind of discomfort – more discomfort than if you chose to stay at home.
“But this initial discomfort is the ‘fare’ you need to pay to enter a more meaningful life,” says Susan.
Emotional Trap 4: Overwhelming when chasing new goals
Once you’ve chosen to move towards your ideal life, the next emotion you need to watch out for is stress and overload.
Any change takes time. You can’t lose 10kg in a week, change careers immediately, or become a talented artist overnight. The trick here is to get out of your comfort zone slowly. “Ideal upgrades are small tweaks and gradual advancements,” advises Susan David.
In “Overcoming the emotional trap”, the psychologist encourages readers to put themselves in a position “at the edge of our ability”, “a position in which we are not overcompetent or complacent, but at the same time not so incompetent that you feel unable to handle the problem.”
Emotional Trap 5: Not accepting the difficulties of the ideal life
Finally, once you’ve lived the life of your dreams, you’ll find that the uncomfortable feelings still… don’t go away. Sometimes, staying true to your beliefs means taking a path that makes life harder, and you still have to deal with feelings of discomfort, stress, and conflict.
Susan gives many vivid examples in “Overcoming the Emotional Trap”. Writer Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the popular “Eat, Pray, Love” book, discovered that while she enjoys writing, “it’s hard to get started with just writing.” .
Or like zoologist Jane Goodall, whose career in conservation has been glorious, but has also brought her to tears many times because of personal trade-offs. A friend asked her why she was so sad. Goodall’s response is recounted in the book: “I said something that surprised myself. I said to my friend, ‘I think I’m crying because I know I’m giving up my right to be selfish.’ That’s it. Sounds strange, doesn’t it?”
at Blogtuan.info – Source: Soha.vn – Read the original article here
