Parents who put a lot of emphasis on grades are using their children as a tool to satisfy their vanity
Professor Tien Van Trung is a lecturer at Fudan Key University, China. He is also known for his methods and views on the upbringing of children.
A few years ago, Chinese public opinion was also stirred up because of a lecture by this professor at the 3rd New Dong Phuong Family Education Summit. about the form of “fun education”, “quality education”. Since then, he has pointed out that parenting style that is not associated with severe punishment can destroy the future of society.
Recently, the views of this professor in the program “Hello Dad” also attracted the attention of the Chinese people. Here are the main points raised by Professor Tien:
1. Parents should never use children as a tool to satisfy vanity
Sharing his views on teaching children in the program “Hello Dad”, Professor Tien emphasized that parents often use their children as a tool to satisfy vanity, which is a very absurd thing.
According to this professor, it is very normal for parents to expect their children to study well, grow up to be dragons and phoenixes, especially for families that are not very well off, the more parents want their children to study well, because that is the shortest way for children to “escape poverty”.
However, he said that parents should not consider grades as a measure of their children’s academic performance and let that create a burden on their children. Don’t see your child get high marks and feel proud, then feel embarrassed and ashamed when they get bad grades. Because the score is not what determines everything.
Parents should think about what they care about their child’s grades for, whether it’s out of concern for their child’s future. In fact, if they expect their children to get good grades partly to be proud of, to fulfill their own selfish desires, then it is for themselves, more than for their children’s future.
2. Respect children’s preferences
Also in the program above, Professor Tien raised his opinion on the problem of game addiction in children. He said his son also likes to play games and is lazy to do his homework, but he did not forbid him.
According to Professor Tien, children are at the age of discovery, curious and easily attracted to new and interesting things in the game. From a child’s perspective, parents will understand that it is difficult for them to control themselves from the game, so instead of banning, parents should think of ways to see if there are alternatives. With Professor Tien, he encouraged his son to choose games related to history, thereby both entertaining him and developing his interest in history while playing games.
He also advises that parents should first respect the interests and individuality of their children, then guide their children to do the right things and let them develop freely.
3. Parents should support their children and always be a solid wall for them
Professor Tien said that parents should support their children, which is the right thing to do. However, this support is not to “encourage” children to do whatever they want, but must be accompanied by good rules in the process of forming and developing children’s personality. This is the true love that parents have for their children.
In addition, this professor also believes that educating children should have both punishment and discipline. “Support” and “punishment” do not contradict each other, because the former is about respecting the individual and the child’s choices, the latter is for the child to exist in a better society.
For Professor Tien, a fun education is not possible. According to him, education is not only fun but must have strict and disciplined elements, otherwise it will be difficult to complete the mission.
As parents who give birth and raise children, parents should be a solid wall behind your children, especially fathers. When a child encounters setbacks or difficulties, knowing that there is someone behind them to lean on, that wall creates a sense of security for the child and energizes them to face the challenges ahead. .
Through the sharing of Professor Tien, there are lessons about parenting that parents should learn:
First, children are independent individuals and should not be used as tools to satisfy their parents’ vanity.
Second, a child’s grades don’t say it all, so parents shouldn’t make grades a burden on their children.
Third, parents need to respect the child’s personality and interests, and at the same time, become a solid “behind” of their children. This is essential for raising good and successful children.
Children are copies of parents, not only copies of genes, but personality is also formed from parents’ example. That means parents should grow up with their children, accompanying them with the right educational methods. There is no perfect child in this world, a big difference lies in the parent’s upbringing.
(According to 163.com)
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