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Signs parents are taking too much care of their children

It can be easy for many parents to fall into the trap of over-parenting, from the perspective that children need the best possible upbringing during childhood.

According to clinical psychologist Judith Locke (USA) over-parenting can be defined in the following ways.





Illustration: CNBC.

Illustration: CNBC.

The first manifestation is the parent, possibly with good intentions, over-supporting children in small to large tasks. This can make it difficult for the child to develop essential skills.

According to experts, this is also related to the excessive emotional response that parents have for their children. It is expressed in the level of love, care, affection and praise that parents give their children beyond the necessary level.

When praised excessively, children will not be used to any constructive criticism, even needing that praise and reassurance often.

Locke, author of The Bonsai Childuses the analogy of growing bonsai to describe how to raise a child in an overprotective environment that makes them unable to cope well in the real world.

One way to check if you’re doing too much for your child as a parent is to see if your child and other babies of the same age have similar skills. For example, if you see all the other kids able to go camping at school while yours can’t, that’s a red sign that you’re over-parenting.

In addition to praising too much, Locke says there are other signs that parents are over-responding to their children’s needs, in an effort to keep them happy. For example, during the holidays, instead of giving children a “boring space”, parents find ways to fill that free time of their children with activities. This inadvertently hinders the child’s initiative and flexibility to manage a situation.

The second manifestation of overprotective parenting is believing everything the child says. Believing that everything a child says can also become a problem, Locke points out. For example, when your child comes home and says that a classmate bullied him or that the teacher treated him unfairly, parents tend to believe him more than others.

Of course, Locke also advises parents not to worry too much when their children lie. To a certain extent, lying in children is really the development of flexible skills, to change the truth, to make it suitable for the situation in which the child falls. Therefore, in this situation, parents should calm down to have an objective view of all issues.

The third manifestation of excessive parenting is forcing the child to develop a high level of self-esteem. This is reflected in the fact that parents place a lot of expectations on the child, forcing the child not to be shy, not to be inferior to friends…

In the book The Optimistic Child by American psychologist Martin Seligman, the author argues: “Parents cannot make a child feel good doing well”. Locke also assessed that parental interventions to ask children not to be shy, with the expectation that they will become confident, represent a high level of parental demand.

As Locke points out, children need to develop five essential skills: resilience, self-regulation, flexibility, respect, and responsibility. Experts remind parents to think seriously about how they help their children, also help themselves. She emphasizes that “your role as a parent becomes less and less as your child gets older”.

Thuy Linh (According to CNBC)

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