My husband wants me to treat both sides equally

Husband parent: By normal economic standards it is now said to be poor. I say this because at this time, my husband’s family has not been able to buy basic living equipment such as washing machine, hot and cold machine, air conditioner, refrigerator, they use old furniture, kitchen equipment has nothing but a rice cooker. old electricity. Everyone in the husband’s family goes to work, but only the mother-in-law knows how to save, the father-in-law and the two brothers-in-law earn every penny and spend it all, sometimes with negative money. My husband’s family is holding a red book to borrow 20 million VND to do something I don’t know. Father-in-law never saved any money because of dignity. I heard from my mother-in-law, my father never gave her a dime. Husband is also honorable. My brother-in-law is fluffy and can take care of himself.

My home: The starting point may not be much different from the husband’s family, but knows how to save, trade, and invest. My parents and sisters’ lives are much better economically. My parents have several houses and land including my brother’s money. My parents’ total assets are about 10 billion VND, of which my younger brother contributes about 1/4, the rest is my parents’ sweat and hard work. Parents have a fixed monthly cash flow of about eight million dong from pension and accommodation. Mother still goes to the market to do small business and raise livestock every day even though she is 69 years old. My sisters are economically strong and stable. It can be said that my wife and I are the poorest of the five sisters.

>> Should return home when her husband had been treated badly

My husband and I got married in 2020. I understood my husband’s family well before we got married. Because of love, I still decided to stick with him. On the wedding day, I single-handedly took care of all expenses, my husband was temporarily unemployed because he had only followed me to Saigon to live for a few months. On the wedding day, my husband’s parents gave us two gold nuggets, my parents gave us five gold nuggets. After the wedding, I still have a gold tree as a dowry, the money must be paid for the wedding services. My husband also took five million dong to pay the previous debt, only later did I find out.

Her husband has been in Saigon for two years now, but only has a personal income of 35 million VND due to a house sale and a rental house. That commission he only received 1/3. Before, he did manual work, and when I lived together, I oriented him to switch to other mental jobs, and then the epidemic, so the job is still not very stable. At least my husband has found his passion and path, which is to be a real estate agent.

I don’t help my husband much in choosing what to do, but for the past two years, I have taken care of all expenses so that he can travel everywhere to find career direction, establish and expand relationships. Of course, my husband also helped me to trade a few other small things in the past two years, although the income is not much, we have not really focused for many reasons. My husband takes me to work every day because I only have one motorbike and he does most of the housework for me.

>> The daughter-in-law is not gentle because of the treatment of her mother-in-law

On my side: I am working for a foreign company, the total monthly income including bonus is nearly 40 million dong. In addition, I also have the rent of an inn of about seven million dong per month. Before getting married, I shared shares with the birth house and bought a row of motels. I didn’t earn much during the pandemic last year, but everything is fine, I have a steady source of passive income. In addition, last month, I just bought a house worth 2.3 billion VND with 100% of the accumulated money, currently subleasing it for 4.3 million VND per month. I am borrowing 1.3 billion dong from a bank, I have to pay interest every month. My two assets are now about five billion dong.

My husband knows my income well, and wants me to be more responsible for my grandfather’s house. To put it bluntly, my husband repeatedly asked me to be responsible for both sides. I don’t want that for several reasons:

One: Husband and wife cannot have natural children because of low sperm count. Now they have to borrow money to do IVF. Grandma’s house lent her red book to borrow 200 million VND for her husband to do business and do IVF.

Two: I have a large bank debt that I have to pay every month.

Ba: When I bought a house, my biological parents worried a lot, even losing sleep because they were afraid that I would lose the deposit like last time. At the end of last year, I put down a deposit of 200 million VND for many reasons.

This time buying a house, I had to borrow a red book from my parents for a bank mortgage. In order for the bank to disburse, the parents had to do a lot of paperwork outside their hometown, then fly to Saigon to sign, and then fly back the next day because they had to urgently add another document at the request of the bank. My parents were 70 years old, my mother suffered from motion sickness, so with that amount of work and the stressful epidemic situation in the countryside at that time, my mother got sick and contracted Covid. I love and feel sorry for my parents about this. There are many other things that in some respect the love of biological parents cannot be compared.

>> Live for yourself instead of thinking about your husband’s family

Meanwhile, her husband’s parents know they can’t help, so they are afraid to ask, partly because of anxiety. Love clearly can’t come from the heart like my biological parents, even if I ask questions, it’s okay, especially my parents-in-law have never asked me how much debt or pressure I have. There are nights when I can’t sleep because of the difficulties and banking procedures as well as with the house seller, I can’t share it with anyone. Although I did not say everything, my biological parents knew almost everything exactly, they were always worried and accompanied me.

My mother-in-law only inquired about my husband more carefully after the transaction was completed and the house was rented. Actually, I don’t expect anything from my husband’s family, but from those small things, I have distance from my husband’s parents. Not to mention the father-in-law said it well but did it badly, and it was a bit unrealistic, usually I didn’t have much to say to him other than the usual questions. Mother-in-law is more realistic but doesn’t really have a connection for the reasons mentioned above. I only ask about politeness, not like talking to my biological parents.

I can’t be of much help to my parents right now because I have debt and many things to take care of alone. Only on New Year’s Eve do I give some money and sometimes buy a few small things. In my opinion, if parents are on both sides, I still lean a little bit towards the birth family because of their immeasurable merits, which is completely reasonable. My husband did not seem to agree with that thought of me, many times when he was drunk about him, he said over and over the same treatment of the inside and the outside and meant to blame me for favoring the outsider. I am frustrated, sometimes I want to tell my husband directly who his parents take care of, I have no obligation to take care of his parents as well as his family, nor do I ask him to do that to his grandmother’s house.

Am I exaggerating if I say that to my husband? What better way for a husband to not feel hurt and easily accept that fact? I want to tell the details here so that everyone has an objective view, enough information to give a more accurate opinion. I don’t mean to brag because I’m very burdened and full of worries. Thank you very much.

Gem

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