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Every time I get close to my boyfriend, I think about the past

My boyfriend and I have only known each other for about four months, everything was fun until the two of us kissed and he touched me.

I am 29 years old, stable job. Sometimes I feel like but also scared because this is the first time I have a boyfriend. When I was 12 years old, I was harassed by a teacher and had to change schools. After that, I was harassed by a distant relative, so I lived a closed life. When I go out and get teased or harassed by my son, I am very stressed, feel that life is not safe, and I meet bad people everywhere I go.

>> Obsessed with watching her husband’s past videos in the old hard drive

Later, when I went out to study and work, I was more open, thinking more positively, not afraid to talk to men, but every time someone stared at me, I was very scared. My boyfriend loves me so I open my heart and love and pamper him. New acquaintances and physical contact are normal for other couples, but every time he does I push him away, making excuses to avoid. Then I was afraid that he would be sad, so I sometimes indulged him. Every time like that, in my mind I think of the people who have harassed me; feeling fear, hatred, cursing them for robbing me of my innocent childhood.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to heal my childhood wounds and still can’t. I did not dare to tell my boyfriend, fearing that he would not understand and think that he purposely said that to hide something. What should I do?


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