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Domestic violence through language

Mental crisis because of being… scolded

Children need to feel safe at home, in school and in their community. According to UNICEF Viet Nam, violent discipline is still common in Vietnam with 68.4% of children aged 1-14 reporting having been abused by a caregiver in the family. Children are especially vulnerable when they have a limited understanding of their rights and therefore do not speak up and seek help when violence occurs.

Teacher Le Phuong Thao (Bach Sam Secondary School, Hung Yen) said that domestic violence against children is not just caning. It includes stigma, disparagement, scolding, insulting, threatening, or creating stress such as studying, witnessing domestic violence.

Depending on the severity or severity, the child will suffer the consequences of the violence. Many children have fallen into a state of autism, abnormal development, deviant psychological development or even suicide. Later, due to witnessing too much violence and not being loved, these children will form bad habits, and follow them and take their anger out on others.

Signs of mental abuse in children include panic attacks, poor sleep, fear of going to school, and psychological and emotional disturbances. Therefore, children tend to be withdrawn, and in the long run, children lose their creative ability. With cases of severe emotional violence from loved ones, children will lose faith in life.

“We all love children, but stress, worries about money and other situations can make adults more prone to anger. If adults do not know how to control anger, adults not only suffer health problems, but also damage personal and professional relationships, “said Thao.

Many children cannot forget the scolding, spanking or beating they have to endure. In particular, those sufferings are caused by their own relatives. Even though it’s not intentional, many parents beat their children because they think “love for the whip”. They casually make the children suffer severely.

According to Ms. Thao, scolding sentences like “You’re just trash” or “You’re the same child, but you’re so stupid, unlike anyone in the family …”. They do not realize the danger to those scoldings that will make their children grow up in low self-esteem and shyness. Often those children will suffer psychological damage, hate their own family, even hate their brothers when compared.

Ms. Nguyen Thi Duyen, an expert from the United Nations Children’s Fund, shares how to maintain control of her anger so as not to hurt children through scolding. According to Ms. Duyen, it is necessary to prevent it from the beginning.

“We are always stressed and easily angry with children for no reason. Need to think about what makes you angry? When does it happen? How do you usually react? If it happens when you are tired, rest or go to bed. If it happens when you’re hungry, always make sure you eat something. If you feel lonely, seek someone’s help. Because the repression of parents is easy to pour on the head of young children. At this time, it is very easy for adults to release all that frustrating stress through hurtful language that will haunt their children later on.”

Do not consider scolding as a method of education

There are children who have been subjected to long-term emotional abuse by their own parents without the knowledge of those who live close to them. Many families still consider scolding, disparaging and killing their children as one of the methods to educate them.

Ms. Duyen expressed her opinion: “There are many people who think that you should not praise your child, you should always criticize, criticize, criticize, don’t let your child think he is better than everyone else, then he will be good. I may be as successful as my parents in the future, but deep in my heart, the hurt from the times when my parents scolded and criticized me still and will always be, and it’s clear. Adults themselves should ask themselves whether those feelings of being scolded and beaten by their parents have disappeared or are still as clear as yesterday.

Currently, many people still believe in the strictness and punishment of parents with their children when necessary. They all have their own opinions and reasons based on their childhood experiences, each person’s personality, or the majority of people around using the whip to make their children better.”

Some parents who want to have children eat fast, full of meals often scare to force children. More seriously, there are mistakes of very small children, but parents just casually use defamatory words, boycott children… Invisible, those non-standard actions and language create mental pressure that causes children to fall. into a state of anxiety. Many children sleep at night and are still afraid of what has happened.

Ms. Duyen said that brain science shows that if you control your anger or do something positive, you have contributed to enhancing the child’s brain development. So when you feel angry, take a break by calming yourself down for 20 seconds. Exhale and inhale slowly 5 times before saying or doing anything. Also, go away for 10 minutes to regain control of your emotions. If you have a safe space of your own outdoors, go outside.

Besides, it is necessary to manage your own emotions well to avoid yourself causing mental and physical violence to your child. Parents need to stay calm in all situations, avoid punishing, beating, using insulting words. Also, be patient and take the time to talk to your child to find out what’s wrong and help her adjust instead of yelling harshly.

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