8 wise ways to deal with difficult, difficult people

How do you usually deal with difficult people? In many cases, we tend to use our dislike to deal with them, making the conversation more intense. That’s really not the best way to handle the situation.

Things will go more smoothly when you approach the problem calmly and rationally. Here are eight ways wise people deal with difficult people:

1. Keep calm

We’ve all been in situations where someone sparked anger. Their behavior makes us want to immediately “shoot” back, let them know what we are suffering. But come to think of it, does that lead to any good results?

Outrageous actions when angry can easily escalate problems, making things worse. The two of you might even end up making physical contact, which neither of you wants. Before acting or saying anything, take a deep breath and get out of your head what they’re saying and how they’re acting.

Take a moment to calm down, telling them you need some time before continuing the conversation. Staying calm is the way to go further, helping you to resolve the situation faster.

2. Don’t try to defend yourself

When you are angry or deeply emotional, you can be receptive to whatever other people say and develop the mentality of wanting to protect yourself. But it can cause the other person to sink into negative emotions and see you as a threat.

Putting up a wall yourself will only confuse the two of you and won’t solve the problem. Unconsciously, they will want to break down the other’s wall to break through or establish control.

Try to stay neutral and let them say what they think. Chances are, somewhere in their words will tell you the real reason why they’re upset. It’s not about you, they just treat you that way because you’re the first to see.

3. Listen

In any situation, listening is always very important and it’s not just hearing what they say. Listen to what isn’t being said and get a feel for what’s going on.

Listening is the number one step in dealing with unreasonable people. Everyone wants to feel heard. The two of you won’t be able to make any progress if the other doesn’t feel recognized. While listening, really focus on what the other person is saying, not what you want to say next.

4. Be respectful and kind

Don’t use insults to return insults. Remember, you can’t really tell what happens at first sight. Maybe someone had a really bad day, had to deal with an event, something terrible in life. Being nice to someone who isn’t nice to you isn’t easy, but all your efforts will pay off. When two people show difficulty and discomfort to each other, the situation will escalate instead of being resolved.

5. Don’t try to change or tell them what to do

When we meet a difficult, unpleasant person, often we tend to try to change them. This really doesn’t work, only makes them more frustrated and makes the situation worse.

In many cases, telling someone to calm down doesn’t really work, and that’s when you should avoid it. If you want to try to divert the conversation, let them say what they want first, then ask if they want to change the subject.

Psychologist with more than 20 years of experience Barbara Markway recommends that we ask the other person if there is something wrong and want to vent. The other person will feel heard and feel safe enough to let go of their stubbornness.

6. Understanding

There was a reason why they were so resentful and angry. In many cases, this reason is really complicated and goes deeper than we think. That’s why listen to them more, ask them what’s wrong, and understand them. Chances are, this will be helpful, helping you get to know the other person better and make them more comfortable and open.

7. Set boundaries and keep the right distance

We’ve learned to be wiser in dealing with difficult people, but that doesn’t mean you should blur your boundaries. You can tell them that you feel uncomfortable with the way they talk or act. You can stop whatever is coming closer and closer to you that makes you uncomfortable.

In fact, you should keep an appropriate distance from such people and it is best not to touch them, to avoid unnecessary collisions. If you are at work, you can seek help from a colleague or other superior.

8. Skip

If the person you’re dealing with is really toxic and there’s no way to approach them peacefully, it’s time to distance yourself from it and ignore them. Try to spend as little time with such people as possible. They will have to stop or find someone else to judge, to do what they want.

In this situation, it would be better to find your own way out and let go of any emotions that you have been suppressing during that time. Acknowledge that you tried and move on with your good days.