My childhood was the expectation “equal to or better than human” of my mother, the stigma and “respect for men and despise women” by my father.
I was born and raised in a western province, female, 26 years old. I live and work in Ho Chi Minh City, my monthly salary is not much, just enough for daily living expenses. My family is not well off, I followed my parents to do manual labor to earn money from a young age, when I grew up working away from home, I always sent money home to help, although not much.
From childhood to adulthood, I have always been under the control of my family. My parents wanted me to live my life the way I wanted, regardless of whether I liked it or not. As the daughter in the family, my mother should be the person closest to me, but we rarely talk or confide. I remember the first time when my daughter’s period came, I had to deal with everything myself. My parents didn’t care what happened to me or how it changed. I still remember the first time my father accidentally found out, his horrible attitude still haunts my mind to this day.
It is my dream to study a lot and know this is my dream, with the belief that studying to the end will help me have a brighter future. I have always dreamed of owning a restaurant or bakery in the future. My family didn’t want me to go to high school with the idea that girls studying at high school wouldn’t do anything, finish grade 12 and then go to work at some manual job near the house, close to parents to be easy to take care of, come of age and then get married. husband gives birth. I remember that year, my mother and I went through such a stressful battle that we both thought it was foolish to be right. In the end, I was satisfied, my parents only helped me with the tuition fees, the rest I had to work hard and earn a scholarship to cover.
Four years of college, my parents never visited where I live with the excuse of not liking the city, calling it toxic and full of pitfalls. My mother always said that after finishing school, I had to go back to my hometown to find a job near my home, near my parents, not allowing me to stay in the city to work. I disagreed, begged and persuaded no matter how much she did not change her mind. Every time I talked about this, my mother always cursed and cursed. Mother often cried, hurt herself to force me to follow her will.
The stress peaked when I graduated from school and went to work. Like many others, I applied for jobs in many places in the hope of continuing to work in the city. I understand that fresh out of school can’t have a high salary, so I don’t care about salary, just have a job to gain experience, I’m satisfied. My parents don’t think so, they often compare me with the children of friends and neighbors. My parents said that they also study like me, work in the countryside near my parents, but the salary is much higher than me. Just graduated from school, but their salary is nearly 20 million VND per month, giving it all to my parents, while my salary is only seven million VND, living in such an expensive city does not have enough money to take care of my family.
No matter how hard I tried to convince, my parents did not care, and tried to curse and insult me and the work I was doing. My parents said that I couldn’t do anything useful, studied a lot so that I would give up the place where I bury vegetables, be unfilial, and not worry about my family. My parents also used to cost me money to eat and study and then make a poor salary to curse, or repeat every time they wanted to force me to go back to my hometown.
In early 2019, in order to save money on food, I want to buy a mini fridge to cook at home. As soon as I told my family about my intentions, I was cursed for days. My mother thought that I wanted to stay in the city for a long time, so I bought a refrigerator, it was both expensive and laborious to transport if I moved in later. Finally, thanks in part to the mini-refrigerator, I have been able to store food to live through the Covid outbreak while social distancing.
I am also a child far from home, but most other people when calling home to their family are always full of laughter and joy, and every call I call home to visit home only has the sound of cursing, heavy light, tormenting, gnawing. each other. My parents often blame me for rarely calling to inquire directly, only asking about the situation through my younger brother. But have I ever inquired directly, but my parents told me the truth, just cursed at the fact that I live and work in the city. The time my whole family was infected with Covid, the city was also blocked, I called to ask and no one said anything. A few days later, I received information from a relative who knew the family’s situation. The whole family did not tell the government to support but wanted to solve it themselves, even though my family and I tried to convince. I was far from powerless but still tried to find a way to order medicine and milk to send to my parents, fortunately the whole family overcame it.
My parents don’t want me to get married far from home, should only marry close to home according to my parents’ matchmaking, otherwise just marry a city man, or marry a foreigner, rich man, to have a lot of money to take care of my parents, no be married to a poor man or a person living in another area. There were many times when I went to my hometown to play but it turned into a debut, which made me extremely uncomfortable. Many times I ask, how can a mother teach her daughter like that? Mother laughed and said: “Give birth to a daughter, raise her to this level, then get married. Your husband and in-laws must provide for your wife and wife’s family. When I married your father, I didn’t have any money in my body. still taking care of me until then.”
Mom wanted me to give all my salary to her to keep, considering it as the family’s common money. When I get married, my parents will give as much as they want, otherwise, my husband will take care of me and don’t want me to keep the money I earn. My parents wanted me to be the breadwinner of the family, to feed my younger brother to school, to say that they were old and could no longer work hard. I asked why my parents were just over 40 years old but called old, they said because they worked hard to earn money when they were young, so their health is weak now.
Please add, my father has more gambling blood than losing, many times making the family suffer because of debt. The amount of debt owed by the father grew after promising not to repeat the crime again. Mother had to sell the whole farmland for the sole livelihood of the family to pay the debt to her father. Once my mother called me in tears, I had to transfer 20 million dong of money saved in two years to her to pay the debt. The last time, three stopped gambling but switched to betting on cockfighting, soccer, gambling, and debited more than 100 million dong. Mom collected money to pay off the debt, but Dad still promised, I really don’t know how to trust him anymore. Now my father wants me to give all the money I can to my family, even though my salary is meager now, I’m really upset.
The quarrels became more and more frequent, the words became more and more heavy, I still refused to go back to my hometown, and then my parents disappeared, I still can’t contact. My parents and I could not find a common voice, did not share the same views and ideas. Now I am faced with two options, give up my dream to return to my hometown to get married, live as my parents want, or leave my parents alone and try to live for myself. Either way, it’s full of pain and regrets in the future. I am very confused, looking forward to sharing from readers.
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