The sooner you know, the sooner your career will flourish
In everyday life, communicating with people is the time when our emotional intelligence is most exposed.
However, anyone can talk, but not everyone “can talk”.
Believe that you may also have encountered cases like these:
Exchange opinions with others, say a few sentences that do not match, bored and do not want to talk.
Obviously very competent, but not very good at talking, often offending customers.
…
A lot of times, we obviously just want to communicate in the spirit of sharing and exchanging with each other, but in the end, it’s not like that.
Why so?
In fact, in communication, there are 6 fatal mistakes that we often overlook.
01
Prejudice is often the most common problem in communication.
People tend to look for evidence to support opinions they already believe and ignore information that contradicts existing opinions.
Using a sentence to generalize is “people only believe what they want to believe”.
A friend shared that her husband is a rather sloppy person, one day she couldn’t find the remote control, she was sure her husband left it around.
Although her husband denied it, she persisted and found enough “evidence” to prove herself right.
As a result of moving house the next day, discovered that the remote control fell in the slot of the sofa, it turned out that she misunderstood her husband.
Many couples live together for a long time, so they always have “prejudices” in the relationship, such as “my wife nags a lot” or “my husband is sloppy”…
Over time, the wife will nag whatever she says, the husband will still feel sloppy, whenever something happens, he immediately finds a way to rationalize his point of view.
Leonard Mlodinow said, when people make judgments, there are two mechanisms:
One is a kind of “scientist mechanism”, having evidence and then coming to a conclusion; the second is the “lawyer mechanism”, making conclusions and then looking for evidence.
In this world, there are very few “scientists”, but there are many “fuzzy chicken lawyers”.
Put down your colored glasses, avoid wrong judgments, such communication will become more fluent.
02
Such as:
A: He can’t swim, still wants to save people, that doesn’t sound good!
B: So if you don’t save anymore, you’ll be satisfied!
A: The honey here is delicious!
B: So it’s not delicious in other places?
People who use this “no black then white” logic to answer most prefer to think in terms of “binary thinking”.
In their eyes, life is like a drama, except for good people, there are bad people everywhere.
But in the real world, no matter who or what, there is a rather complicated side, the gray area is usually larger than the black and white area.
Therefore, in communication, do not intentionally distort the thoughts of others.
Avoiding logical thinking like black and white is to avoid arguments that can’t happen anywhere.
03
A problem that many people face in communication but often do not realize:
A lot of times, you think you’ve delivered something 100%, but you’re not.
In the quarterly report at work, a single employee reports all 5 problems in the progress of a project.
Originally, he meant “if we have a problem, we have to solve it”.
But the leaders sitting in the meeting understood that “the project is so difficult, are you not wanting to do it?”
In the process of communicating with others, if you only focus on expressing your best without clearly confirming the purpose of communication, this will lead to a deviation in the understanding of both parties.
In workplace communication, we should pay more attention to confirming the purpose of communication with the other party and confirming whether that purpose has been achieved or not.
Ask one more question, “Did I make that clear? Do you all understand?” often the optimal solution for communication.
04
As a worker, it is best to let emotions overwhelm reason.
In psychology there is a concept called “the law of preference for emotional judgment”, it means that emotions will take precedence over reason and affect human judgment.
In life, many people who do not know how to talk often leave their mouths faster than their brains, saying words that hurt others.
For example, parents who see their children make mistakes, but have not had time to ask for clarification, loudly scolded their children.
The child will not play anymore, but he will feel sorry for himself inside and no longer want to communicate with you.
Psychologists have found, “People often do not control their emotions because they do not rationalize.
Then, after we calm down and become more rational, we sit there regretting our actions.”
In such cases, the best course of action is to deal with the emotions first and then deal with the situation.
Listen to your children’s thoughts first, let them be in a good emotional state, and promptly teach and educate them.
Otherwise, they will only remember the fears of your reprimand, then close their hearts, forgetting to examine and correct their mistakes.
05
There is a rather offensive sentence pattern in communication:
“I know, that’s all…”
Darwin once said: Ignorance breeds confidence more easily than knowledge.
In the process of communication, there are often people who always appear to be superior to others.
Dunning and Kluge, two psychologists at Cornell University, USA, through research on people’s reading, driving and chess skills, discovered that:
In terms of humour, writing, and logic, the people who lacked those skills the most were the ones who overestimated themselves.
They think they’re over 60% when in reality it’s only 12%.
This behavioral feature is known as the “DK effect”:
“Some people are incompetent, often make wrong conclusions on the basis of a lack of consideration, often do not properly recognize their own shortcomings.
They indulge in self-made illusory advantages, overestimate their own level of competence, and are unable to objectively assess the abilities of others. ”
We need to watch out for this when communicating with people.
Don’t be arrogant or pretend to be knowledgeable, always keep an attitude of modesty.
This way, you can say what others are willing to listen to and exchange what others are willing to say.
06
In modern society, people’s sense of individuality is becoming more and more powerful, and the sense of boundaries is also becoming more and more important in communication.
Many people are very “enthusiastic” when it comes to talking and like to treat other people’s stories as their own.
Over-involvement, over-engagement, comes from “kindness” that only points to the score.
When dealing with people, we should regularly check ourselves to see if your concerns contain — judgment, accusations, denials, corrections, controls, or other elements.
If yes, then your interests may be mixed up, “metamorphized”.
When arguing or in conflict with others, pay more attention to each person’s boundaries and limitations.
Many couples argue because this issue has not been discussed yet, so they bring other things in for further discussion.
A quarrel about housework suddenly involves “regrets marrying you” or “baby care is not easy”, in the end, the more you talk about the more problems.
Then we start to attack the situation of family, work, old debt… we keep challenging the boundaries of tolerance on both sides.
Maintaining a relationship is not easy, but to destroy it, it only takes a few words.
When communicating with others, you must have a sense of boundaries, do not ignore the feelings of the other person but enter the forbidden zone of communication.
Respect the limits of each other’s self-esteem, both sides can be long-lasting.
It is often said that communication is an art, hopefully through this article, you can see a part of the nature of communication, and then learn how to communicate more effectively and have warm conversations. than.
Hopefully we will all reach a higher level of communication and become a better version of ourselves in the days to come.
at Blogtuan.info – Source: cafebiz.vn – Read the original article here
