According to statistics, among criminals, the rate of children being abused mentally and physically is much higher than that of the common people. According to a statistic provided by the FBI of 36 dangerous criminals, 74% of them suffered psychological abuse as children, 42% suffered physical abuse, and 43% experienced sexual abuse.
Currently, the issue of “psychological abuse” has not received much attention. This is not direct physical harm, but damage to a child’s mental health through verbal violence or cold violence (don’t speak, ignore…).
In the criminal psychology community, experts agree that childhood experience is an important factor in criminal behavior. For children, parents’ words are the most direct and heaviest influences.
1. Offensive language causes negative psychology
“Why can’t I do anything worthwhile?”
Many parents have said this to their children. Psychologists call this “offensive language”.
Such statements often do not change children for the better, but on the contrary also bring them negative psychological effects. Gradually, children will accept that they are not good at anything and assume that it is because they are inferior.
A 2008 survey of family psychology in China found that many parents unwittingly caused their children to become self-deprecating. When a child shows weakness, the parent’s continued denial of the weakness reinforces the child’s image of a “failure.”
2. Threat language destroys a sense of security
“Go away, don’t come back later”.
All children have the fear that their parents won’t love them, don’t like them, or even never want them again. This scares the child more than hitting them.
Children have a natural attachment to their parents. Children who have a close relationship with their parents naturally feel secure. Conversely, if the child is constantly worried that his parents don’t love him, his sense of security will be reduced. As a result, children may hide their true self and suppress their emotions as a way of self-defense.
Illustration. Photo: Internet
3. Angry language makes children feel self-conscious
“I’m like my father, I can’t do anything.”
In the family, husband and wife will inevitably be at odds. However, it is worth mentioning that when arguing, parents take out their anger on the child. A common scene is this: The mother complains that the child is not obedient, lamenting that a lot of effort has been spent, but no one understands.
A child who “always fails to disappoint his parents” often falls into a state of low self-esteem, feels inferior, feels like a burden. Later, when they grow up, they will gradually have complexes and find it difficult to integrate with the people around them.
The above are just 3 common forms of language violence, but in fact around children there are many variations of “language violence”. Words that seem like nonsense, but actually have a big impact.
For example, in the family there is a black child, a white brother, someone often jokes that such a girl is not good, no one likes to grow up. This may sound like a joke, but it made the child self-conscious about his appearance.
For another example, some people always tell their children that if they have younger children, you will not be able to do this or that to set an example for them and will not be loved by your parents as before.
These violent verbal “variations” are often told in the form of jokes. But because children’s thinking ability and discrimination ability are not enough, some “jokes” often become long-term fears in the heart.
1. Parents need to control their emotions
A psychologist admits that although she has studied and applied psychology for many years, when she looks back on her parenting journey, she has also committed “verbal violence”. It’s just that with professional training, she can see more deeply and react faster than the average person, and has more methods of adjustment.
According to psychologists, when our emotional state is comfortable, we can also face our children’s problems more calmly. Therefore, emotional stability is very important for parents. All parents need to train themselves to be patient and regulate their own emotions to avoid causing hurtful words to their children.
Illustration. Photo: Internet
2. Think carefully before you speak
Before talking to children, especially when children do something wrong, parents need to organize what they want to say in their heads. Experts suggest that parents can practice forming thinking reflexes about these 3 things:
– What is the purpose of this conversation?
Is it for the child to correct a sloppy bad habit? To keep the child from lying in the future or for some other reason? This identification will help children realize their mistakes instead of being afraid of being punished by their parents.
– How to solve the problem?
Parents need to show their children where their mistakes are; why is there such a thing as today; how to correct? At the same time, parents also let their children know that their children’s reprimand today is not because parents do not love or hate their children.
– Do the words you want to say really solve the problem or simply to vent emotions?
This is equivalent to spending a little time typing “speech” in your head. This process forces adults to re-examine their own states, emotions, and motivations. At the same time, this step also helps parents control language appropriately.
3. Accept imperfect children
In many cases, parents get angry because they can’t accept the truth. When you love someone, but you can only accept the other person’s strengths, not their flaws. That leads to bouts of anger that are hard to contain.
Many people like the cuteness and innocence of children, but cannot stand their mischief and disturbance. They hope that the child will be like an obedient, honest doll, which is a very contradictory idea indeed.
Young children are new to life and have a lot of curiosity about the world around them. Sometimes they are docile and adorable, but other times make you angry and tired. Therefore, parents should learn to listen to their children and understand them.
Anyone can’t be perfect. A child is more likely to make mistakes. Excessive ambition is also not good. Children are like a tree. Parents can’t because they want the trees to grow quickly and pull them out of the ground. Instead, take care of each tree, be patient and give it the best.
According to 163
at Blogtuan.info – Source: Soha.vn – Read the original article here
