On June 6, 2022, the morning was strangely overcast, with rain falling. Lying on the small bed, looking out the window, watching each raindrop fall, I cried.
Crying because I broke up? Crying because promises have not been fulfilled? Crying because of the beautiful moment when we love each other? Or cry because it rains? In 2020, I am 20 years old and I am 25 years old, met through an online game, I am in Japan and I am in Vietnam. Coincidentally, my hometown is your maternal hometown. I talked more about the game, about Ha Nam, about us… For the first time, I felt that there was a person who understood me strangely and I also understood that person.
Then one day, through a bet when playing the game (who loses will have to fulfill the winner’s request), I lost. He said: “Be my girlfriend”. I still remember it was more than 1am, holding the phone in my hand, reading each text message, my heart was beating very fast. I don’t believe in online love, nor have I ever thought of falling in love with someone through a game, but I agree with you. A 20 year old girl with her first love online, how strange!
We have known each other for a short time, he is busy at work, I am busy studying at school, the time to text each other is less and less. One day, two days, we don’t text each other. I started first, texted him to ask: “What is this love? If there is a beginning, it should also have an end”. He read and replied very quickly: “I’m sorry, I’m wrong about everything, maybe we were in a hurry.” I texted him: “I’m fine, you don’t need to apologize, we were in a hurry.” I cry, angry at you, thinking that I will erase you from my life. We stay away from each other.
In 2021, I am 21 years old, you are 26 years old, my life is going smoothly, I know new people but I have no feelings for them. I feel so bad, love someone whose hearts are always thinking of others. One day he texted back, it was just a normal question and interest, but I was very happy. Talking to you, I feel safe. He asked me if I still have feelings, do I have a future? I said I already have a boyfriend, I don’t love him, but I feel pity and want to protect, I can only wish you happiness in the future.
I think sometimes if I didn’t say two words in a hurry, if only you held me a little longer, maybe things would be different. Time goes by, me and that person broke up, I was the one taking the initiative. I understand that if I continue that love will not go anywhere, it will cause a lot of hurt to people. I’m so bad, I see myself as ugly. Later, many people texted to get acquainted, flirt, I ignored it, I don’t understand why I think of you every time like that.
At the beginning of 2022, I was 22 years old, he was 27 years old, he texted me asking about life, making my heart flutter. The times we video call talk to each other for an hour, two, sometimes three, four hours, talking about everything in the world. Now that I write it back, I still find it funny, why do I look like two idiots. Every day we text, call, get to know each other better. He confessed, I told him to wait more time. I don’t want us to hurry like before.
Yen Bai, March 8, 2022, I agree to be your lover. After that day, we were officially lovers. Although I love you far away, I am very happy because of you. Together we made a list of things to do together when he returned home, I named it “My love”, my love. I like to plant the first tree, to nurture the life and love of the two of us, I like that too. I care about you very much, reminding you to give up the bad habit of staying up late. I know and will try to change. I am an introverted girl, always smiling and sharing positive things to everyone. When I’m sad, tired, I hide inside, sad alone, cry alone.
He said that sad, happy, tired, just share with me, I’m here. I smile, feel happy. There are times when I argue, get angry, and then quickly make up. Each time we love each other more. When you were playful, a little careless, I was angry at you, doubting your love for me was love. There is one thing I am sure of, loving you is true. I think I will marry you when I am most mature and mature.
Hanoi, June 5, 2022, we parted. It hurts, two people love each other, understand each other but do not step through their own egos. I broke up not because I fell out of love. I hate you, the more angry I realize I love you so much. I know that when we parted, I was sad, thinking, unable to sleep, I was afraid that you would be heartbroken. I choose to stop my emotional part here, right now, when writing the above confided lines. I cry again, do I feel so weak? I put you in a little corner. Hello, June boy, my beautiful youth. Hopefully we will find our own love in the future.
Hanoi, June 6, 2022, hello and goodbye.
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