Need willpower to overcome the deadlock

I have no words to describe my shyness, rather, I think I am autistic. Twelve years of studying, I was attached to only two places, the classroom and the corner of the house. Don’t talk, don’t share, don’t socialize, never even go to a loved one’s house even if it’s only a hundred meters away. I am afraid, afraid of everything. In class, I was bullied and teased by my classmates, every day going to school was a terrible fear. The more lonely I am, the more I dive into my studies, so my results are quite good.

>> Translation makes my life stuck

I got into a school that didn’t have to pay tuition (due to my family’s difficulties, I couldn’t afford to go to a foreign school). By the time I go to work, I still have to struggle and fight depression. I have been taking the drug for almost five years now. Every day trying to go to the office, I hate talking and drinking. I want to quit my current job to learn a new field that suits my personality, but I am no longer strong enough to do that. What I need most right now is the will, but I’m really helpless and stuck.

I study Buddhism, understand that the illness and difficulties that I am going through are all bad karma that I have to bear. I don’t want to stay like that, want to have a good life. Please tell me, what to do?

Bright

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