Don’t let scolding become an obsession in your child’s childhood memories

Rationalize the scolding

Psychologist Dr. Jeremy Sherman (USA) said: “If you feel you are more inclined to scold, lecture, lecture and lecture than simply communicate, it may be part of your childhood experience. yours. People who get yelled at a lot tend to yell at others.”

This expert said that many parents and teachers may have had a difficult childhood. Perhaps, therefore, they are anxious in nature, with fragile feelings of self-worth and unresolved sensitivity. Some parents grew up in poverty or oppressive conditions due to constant scolding from everyone. They often experience feelings of disappointment.

Dr. Sherman said that scolding has a certain role. However, scolding is often just a way for a weak person to appear as if they are strong, confident, and responsible.

“People often say what they need to hear. Children are often forced to endure sermons that parents want their children to pay attention to. A father who wished he had been more humble is determined to let go of scoldings to his child. What’s more interesting for the father is that he acts like he has mastered that life lesson, instead of feeling like a failure in learning it,” Sherman said.

According to this expert, there are many cultures in which scolding is considered a virtue. There are even cultures where spanking children is considered a virtue. However, in fact, current studies show that this is not the case.

Sherman said, raising children is about letting them fly freely, but also letting them fly right. So parents and teachers have reason to do their best to keep children on track. These are also often reasons adults can rationalize any preaching and scolding they want. They often say, “It hurts me more than it hurts me.” However, it can be a self-soothing statement that a parent or teacher imposes on a child.

“We all have coping strategies. At the same time, there are strategies for remembering, how we say “no” to anything that we have a hard time dealing with. Adults often regress with strategies that disobey their parents. However, when a parent has said no, that is the basis, the way to show power and control the situation, especially when the parent feels they are losing control, “said Mr. Sherman.

According to this expert, many people have been scolded and lectured when they were young. These people think that, if scolded with full confidence, they can win all wars. They mistakenly believe that expressing anger will make all their experiences of imperfection “disappear” immediately.

backfire

Meanwhile, Dr. Rohini Radhakrishnan, an expert in ENT surgery, head and neck surgery in the US, said that yelling can have negative and long-term psychological effects on children.

First of all, the short-term psychological effects of being yelled at include: Children exhibiting aggressive behavior, experiencing symptoms of anxiety, and behavioral problems. For example, boys are more likely to lose control and girls may react with anger or frustration. In addition, children can also steal money from parents if they are often scolded.

Children who are regularly scolded can also experience long-term psychological effects. In particular, the child’s behavior problems may be worse. Some parents use scolding as a solution to correct bad behavior or prevent a child from misbehaving in the future. However, studies show that yelling can actually create more problems and worsen a child’s behavior. In many cases, children who are scolded by their parents do not change their bad behavior. Instead, children respond by increasing misbehavior. The more parents scold, the worse the child behaves. This leads to parents screaming more and more, creating a “vicious cycle”.

According to Dr. Radhakrishnan, scolding can also cause changes in the development of a child’s brain. Yelling and other harsh parenting methods can change the way a child’s brain develops. Because, the human brain processes negative events faster than positive. Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) images of people with a history of frequent scolding by their parents showed significant differences in the parts of the brain that process sound and language.

“When a child is yelled at, they can feel hurt, scared and upset. If this happens regularly, the child can suffer mental health problems, have more serious psychological problems such as depression or anxiety. Depression can lead to self-destructive actions, such as drug abuse, or suicide attempts,” warns expert Radhakrishnan.

Yelling also affects a child’s physical health. Experiencing stress as a child can have lasting effects on physical health. Children who are yelled at and verbally abused by their parents may be at increased risk of a number of health problems as adults. In addition, negative childhood experiences, including screaming, are associated with chronic pain conditions in adults, such as arthritis, headaches, back and neck problems, as well as back pain. other chronic. Children who are often scolded may also have one or more emotional problems: anxiety, low self-esteem, behavioral problems, bullying behavior, and other social problems.