How to teach children ‘no spanking’ but effectively

Raise up child Growing up is never easy, especially when your child enters puberty. In the process of educating children, a mother needs to have a hard time, a soft time, a soft and gentle time, but also a strict time. Being strict is not necessarily necessary to scold and threaten children because that is an ineffective method and adversely affects children’s psyche.

As a modern mother, Ms. Hoang Bich Thuy, 34 years old, living in Hanoi shared her method of “Discipline without spanking” to help her children be obedient, obedient and bring many benefits to their children’s future. .

Currently, she is the parent of two girls, one in grade 5, named Duong Bao Han; there is a child in grade 1, named Duong Khanh Ngoc. She believes that “Love for the whip for the leap” is an educational point of view that is almost no longer relevant. In the process of raising children, Bich Thuy, like many other mothers, is angry at times because of her children’s attitudes, actions and words.

Bich Thuy shared: “The whip is also known as a shortcut in education, it helps parents solve problems quickly. But it goes against our original wishes. Because no parent wants to scold their children. But is teaching without scolding really effective? Is there a way to not scold and still be obedient, obedient and understanding? Yes it is! It is discipline for children!

When I went to school, I was very obedient and listened to my teachers, doing well. Because when at school, I myself am aware of my roles and responsibilities. I understand what I can do and what I can’t do. Family me too! I help them understand their roles, responsibilities and rights. How can I help my child understand what can be done and when? What should not be done, if so, what kind of discipline will be subject to?”.

1.Set up rules from the start

Before planning to do anything, Bich Thuy clearly told her children: Why should you do it; guide how to do until the children understand and know how to do; Finally, discuss the form of discipline when your child does wrong. And the “3” rule is consistent in everything. If you make a mistake:

-First time: Reminder

-Second time: Warning

3rd time: Disciplinary enforcement

For example, when your child does a homework wrongly, or prepares books that are not enough, even though she reminds him, he will apply rule number 3. By the third time, he will have to copy the lesson 20-50 times, stand to prepare books for the whole week 50 times. . Or when children wash dishes, clean the house, wipe the dirty stairs, they will have to do it until it is clean.

2. Explain what’s wrong and give solutions

After disciplining, she always explains the reasons, causes, points out what is wrong and offers some solutions for your child’s reference. Parents and children are two different perspectives, considering different situations. So there are things that I don’t think are wrong, need parents to explain clearly to understand. As a result, you will realize the nature of the problem and not do it again.

During the epidemic break, Bich Thuy’s eldest daughter loves TikTok. I watched all day, so she had to confiscate the phone. But I still borrow someone else’s phone or steal it when my parents are not at home. Knowing the story, she made it clear to her son: “If you study well, do all the housework, you can play TikTok for 30 minutes in the afternoon and 30 minutes in the evening.”

I agree and learn fast, do housework fast to get play. As a result, after a month of playing, my child’s score dropped. She confiscated the phone and did not allow it to be used anymore. Only when the study results improve can we continue to use the phone.

After that, Ms. Bich Thuy analyzed and explained to help her children realize how harmful it is to be addicted to TikTok. How it affects learning and personality. Gradually, I adjusted between learning and playing, especially following the rule “Learn first – Play later – Play with time”.

All training methods depend on the age and ability of the children! At any age, parents must practice according to that age. Children practice storing toys in the right places, practicing dressing and personal hygiene. If you do not comply, you will not be able to play.

When you grow up, you practice great discipline. When the children became aware, Bich Thuy corrected bad habits and behaviors. She did not accuse the behavior of the child’s character. Just because you’re sloppy in the dishes, doesn’t mean you’re sloppy. If the parent says: “I’m a sloppy person, I can’t do anything” immediately backfired. Your child will be narcissistic, angry, and show disrespect. So she just taught me how to do it and explained it to me, helping me do it right.

Reducing benefits is also a way to discipline children. If your child behaves inappropriately such as: Talking blankly, getting angry, arguing with grandparents, parents, etc., I will postpone your child’s outing with friends. Or you don’t let your child use the phone for a week…

There are things that Bich Thuy let her children analyze the situation and come up with a way to handle it according to their wishes. When your child gets angry and yells at you, I let you tell your own reasons for being angry. Being able to talk about their feelings, ask for opinions and handle them, they will realize the problem more deeply. You will have the motivation to make amends, not to do them again.

“Practicing discipline also helps children to be able to predict the consequences of their actions, to better consider the consequences. And finally, it helps them to feel the love, worry, and concern of their parents. At this time, Parents do not have to impose their children according to their subjective will. Forging discipline is also how parents protect their children!”, said the mother of two.

According to Vietnamese Women