As parents, what we do around our children can have lasting effects, but our words can have an impact as well. The sayings that parents often say to their children, or to those around them, not only reflect our beliefs about this world, but also affect the child’s outlook on life when it comes to life. grow up.
In the book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” by the famous American psychologist Amy Morin, the author outlined unhealthy habits that prevent children from becoming strong, and many of them Some of them are your accidental statements in everyday life that sound harmless.
Here are 5 toxic sayings that parents should avoid as much as possible.
1. “We don’t have enough money to buy that”
If there’s something you or your child wants to buy but is beyond your means, don’t assure your child that you don’t have the money to buy it.
Instead, you can show your child how you manage your finances. For example, you could say, “Mommy’s dream is to buy us a big house one day. But since we don’t have the financial resources right now, she’s going to take some classes. online to hone my skills at work to get a raise”.
Or your child really wants to go to a Disney park, say, “We can’t buy a ticket yet because it’s not in our budget this year.” Then consider getting your kids a savings jar so they can save up on their own for a trip to this park.
When you help your kids create smart financial habits, they’ll grow up thinking that if they want something they can’t afford, it’s all a matter of adjusting their priorities.
2. “You’re driving me crazy.”
As a parent, the ability to stay calm and not blame your child is very important.
Instead of getting angry over something your child did, a better response would be, “I don’t like it when you do it,” and then explain why. It is important for children to understand how their behavior can affect others. It will encourage them to pay more attention to the feelings of others instead of just focusing on their own.
Likewise, by remaining calm, you are teaching your children that we are completely in control of our own emotions, and this depends on how we manage them in a healthy way. After all, you probably don’t want your child to grow up and be okay with blaming others when they’re unhappy.
Of course, we’re all human, and there are times when we just can’t keep our cool. If this happens and you say things that you regret, start with an apology, like, “I’m sorry I lost my temper. Next time, I’ll take a moment. Time to calm down.”
3. “Parents hate their current job.”
Let’s say you have a very tiring day at work. You just want to go home and vent to your husband or wife. It may sound harmless because you don’t say it directly, but remember that if you hear it, your words will stick in their head.
In fact, studies have shown that our attitudes about this life will have a great impact on determining the success of our children, especially academic achievements.
Also, complaining about work will make your child implicitly understand that working is no fun. As a result, they will grow up believing that adults spending up to half of their waking hours working is a real pain.
So what better way to solve this problem? Make sure you have options at work and talk about things you can do to make your commute more pleasant.
4. “Parents have to do this, that.”
Whenever you say you MUST do something, whether it’s chores around the house, or going to your parents’ house, you’re implicitly implying that you’re COMPLETED to do something you don’t want to do. .
Instead, show your child that you are in control of your own time, that you are in charge of what you do, and when and how you plan to do it.
Children who grow up to be successful people understand that life is all about making choices. You can teach them this important lesson by saying something like, “I don’t feel like going shopping today, but I want to make sure we have enough food in the fridge for the week,” or ” She’s tired, but we told her we’re going to her house, and she wants to make sure she’s the one to keep her word.”
Of course, there will always be something the kids don’t want to do, but should still do, like going to bed at a reasonable time or eating vegetables. In these situations, it helps to explain why they are required to do so. When children understand the importance of a task, they are more inclined to follow it.
5. “Everything will be fine.”
If your child is not selected to be a player on the school’s football team, convincing them that everything will be okay in the end will leave them unprepared for the future.
Instead of telling them that the end will always be good, teach them that they are strong enough to deal with the inevitable happenings in their lives.
Maybe your child just needs more practice time. If that’s the case, comfort them with a hug, soothe their feelings by saying: “I really wanted to be chosen today, but there will be many more opportunities”.
Then, encourage them to practice and continue the challenge when you feel ready. By coaching and guiding your kids through tough times, they’ll be well-equipped to handle the unexpected in the future.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and lecturer at Northeastern University in Boston, USA. Amy is also very active in writing books as well as collaborating with major newspapers of this country.
Famous American psychologist Amy Morin.
As the author of a best-selling book in the US called “13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do” (in Vietnam, the book is translated as “13 things mentally strong people don’t do”, Amy has become a become a reputable psychotherapist, receiving the trust and confidence of many parents and readers.
In 2015, Amy was honored to be named a Master of Psychology by The Guardian.
According to CNBC
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