Husband loves to drink – VnExpress Life

Over the past 10 years, Ms. Nguyen Thi Hoa, 40 years old, in Bac Tu Liem, Hanoi, has become too used to her husband going out to drink late at night, not knowing the way back.

When I first fell in love, I saw you well drink But thinking that young people are happy, Hoa doesn’t think much. After getting married, Mr. Duong remained unchanged and often did not have dinner at home for the reason of receiving guests, earning contracts, maintaining relationships… to drink.

It was not until the day she gave birth to her first child 8 years ago that she realized that her husband’s binge drinking disease had “run out of cure”. That day, the doctor scheduled the operation, Hoa told her husband to return early to rest in the evening, and the next morning to take his wife to the hospital. At night, my husband did not come back, when I called, the phone was turned off. Hoa sent a message to her friend who often drank with her to find out that her husband was drunk and lying at the bar.

Now that she has two children, Hoa can’t remember how many times she found her husband in the middle of the night. Just tell the place of drinking before going, no matter how late, she will come to the place to make sure that her husband is still safe and does not have an accident in the middle of the road.

“Sometimes I feel tired and lonely, feeling like I have to shoulder the whole world,” Hoa said.

Hai Yen in Que Vo, Bac Ninh always asks what magic power does alcohol have to attract her husband so much.

“My wife was sick at home, I waited for a long time at school, but my father forgot to pick it up. When I went home to celebrate Tet, I lived and died by the tray of wine, I couldn’t stay awake for a day. When I went to a drunken shop, my wallet was stolen and I don’t know.. .”, Yen listed.

Also because of the desire to drink, her husband’s salary is more than ten million, only giving his wife a few million to raise children, the rest he explained is “for personal spending and big work”. There are months when there are too many expenses, his wife urges to give more, he always refuses that “recently stuck” or “out of money”.

Half a year ago, a drunken ride home by himself, Yen’s husband crashed into the divider, punctured his abdomen, and had to cut off one third of his stomach. “I thought I would leave it completely, but after half a year he still has all the symptoms,” she mused.

Yen and Hoa’s husbands are among the Vietnamese men who consider drinking an integral part of life, contributing to pushing alcohol consumption from an average of 0.9 liters to 1.3 liters per person. a month, according to the General Statistics Office of 2020.

In 2019, the Lancet medical journal published a study showing that the rate of alcohol consumption in Vietnam increased the fastest in the world, increasing by 90% compared to 2010, about 2.5 times higher than the growth rate of the country. The second country is India. Also in this study, every day Vietnamese men consume more than 5 standard drinks (each standard glass contains 10 grams of alcohol), which is among the highest in the world. On average, each Vietnamese over 15 years old consumes 8.3 liters of pure alcohol in a year, more than Chinese and 4 times more than Singaporeans.

A 2015 survey by the World Health Organization also showed that 44% of people drink alcohol in Vietnam at “excessive and dangerous” levels, of which the majority is alcohol. male.

According to a study assessing the situation of alcohol use and abuse in Vietnam conducted by the Institute of Health Strategy and Policy, 63% of alcohol users are men, of which intellectuals are the highest proportion. highest usage rate.

“Drinking culture in Vietnam, once you sit at the table, you have to drink to the fullest, otherwise you will be seen as looking down on your friends, if you are heavier, you are not worthy of being a man,” writer Hoang Anh Tu said. He believes that this view is a gender stereotype, causing men to suffer because of the men themselves.

According to the writer, the most obvious thing about alcohol abuse is a series of health consequences, changing behavior in a negative direction. Data from the General Statistics Office in 2019 show that the total medical costs for treating six common types of cancer in Vietnam related to alcohol use are about VND 26,000 billion; The cost of dealing with the consequences of traffic accidents related to alcohol costs about VND 50,000 billion.

Alcoholic husbands can also become ghosts of family happiness. Every time he gets drunk, Yen’s husband seems to turn into a different person with a fierce face, long eyes, and even if his wife complains, he also breaks furniture in the house. Several times she had to call a neighbor for help, but a few days later she did not return there.

With Hoa, in the early years of marriage, when Duong often went out to drink, she kept calling to urge her back, many times even going to pick up her drunken husband in the middle of the night. At first, he also expressed some regret, but gradually got used to it, considering it as his wife’s job.

The sweetness is not finished, Hoa turns to sulking, embargoes the whole “thing”. Even one day, when she locked the door to not let her in, Duong went to rent a motel. Talking forever does not work, Hoa is bored regardless. For her, her husband has long ceased to exist in the house.

According to writer Hoang Anh Tu, being a man, he knows that husbands are aware of the harms and consequences of binge drinking but cannot reduce this habit. In addition to the main reason from the unstable man’s bravery, part is also because the wife is not determined enough for the husband to realize what they will lose if they maintain that irresponsible lifestyle.

“Women’s weakness when a husband comes back from drinking only berates a few sentences, but as long as the husband is silent or apologetic, it will be forgiven. If they do not receive specific consequences due to their actions, it is difficult for them to change. yes,” Tu affirmed.

After many years of psychological counseling, expert Trinh Trung Hoa shared that every woman entering marriage should not forget to ask her husband to share the responsibility with the family. With drinking, it is not only advice that the wife needs to ask for, giving her husband an ultimatum to protect herself as well as the children.

However, he admits, with cases of “drinking above all else”, it is difficult to change. In these cases, the wife needs to find a way to save herself when she is forced to “live with the flood.” Instead of staying up all night waiting for her husband, take care of her own health and spend time taking care of the children. in the family should hold tight, show a firm attitude to the situation of drinking, and if that does not move the husband, should let go to rescue themselves.

“When a woman has the courage to decide her life and doesn’t run after her drunken husband anymore, the man is forced to think differently,” Mr. Hoa affirmed.

Recently, Duong received a divorce petition with a heart letter on his desk. In the letter, Hoa wrote that she felt disgusted every time she smelled alcohol on her husband. “I hate when I see the disheveled body, dragging drunkenly from the street into the house. Now freeing each other, you will be able to live as you like,” the wife wrote at the end of the letter.

See the application form divorce of his wife, Duong suddenly realized that he was about to lose his family. This man came back and apologized to his wife and asked her to give him a chance to go back and make amends. Hoa agreed but still expressed her determination to end the marriage rather than accept “the drunken husband can ruin the whole child”.

Now Duong has not completely stopped drinking but the frequency is much less. Only 2-3 times a month and never go past 11pm. “Since drinking less, obviously, I still haven’t lost my valuable contracts or friendships,” he admits.

Hai Hien