‘It’s not 10 points, so what do you say…’

Shocked, disappointed… that’s the feeling I had to go through during my student years; at that moment, my happiness was already in the dust, sad and angry I went up to my room, slamming the door and just wanted to tear up my test. Why are my efforts and efforts throughout a semester not recognized even through a smile or a sentence? After that day, I no longer shared the scores on those papers with my parents.

In the 8th grade midterm exam, perhaps this is a “memory” that I will never forget. Just because of a very small mistake in my essay that I was crossed out and deducted the entire score of that essay. When I saw my score: 2.75, I felt scared. Fear is not because of bad grades, but because parents will know this.

After coming home, I tried everything to let my parents know: delete Zalo, block phone numbers… But in the end, everything was revealed. Dad got into a rage, shouting, cursing and insulting me without hearing any explanation. “Why are you so stupid?” Right after that, Dad took out the trimmer and trimmed my hair. For a kid in puberty who likes to show off and pose, isn’t cutting his hair like a spear going straight through his heart? And then in the days that followed, I had to live in a “jail full of nightmares”.

Dad bought a camera and installed it around the house: from the gate to the yard, into the living room, then to the kitchen and even… my bedroom. Make no mistake, my dad installed a camera in my bedroom. Dad wanted to control my entire life: eating, studying, and even sleeping. It is because of that extreme strict supervision that I seem to have lost all inspiration in this life; I gradually distanced myself from my parents, every day, coming home from school and crouching in my room and sitting… crying. My academic results gradually went down and it seemed to be the main reason why I failed the first one in the 10th grade entrance exam.

I feel disgusted with this life; All year 10th grade I lived in a troubled thought that: “Am I important in this life? Do I deserve to live? If I didn’t exist in this world, would my parents be happier?” There have been so many times when I have shaken myself, wanting to leave this life, but the dead don’t hurt, they leave pain for the people who stay. Am I living for myself or living for my family and parents? I myself do not know.

“Adults were once children, but children were never adults.”

That was me years ago, a negative person who didn’t care about my own existence. But until now, when I was exposed to Literature, it was Literature that pulled me back to this life. I realized that this life still has so many joys and happiness waiting for me ahead, so why should I be sad with my current life? I gradually got rid of negative thinking, looked at it, and faced it in a positive way. I told myself that it is necessary to live authentically. No matter how other people see me, even if the whole world is negative, I still have a self that believes in me.

I do not write these lines to resent my parents or any other parent in this world.

I love my parents very much, no matter what. They also have to work too hard to maintain the bread and clothes for the family. On their shoulders they carry the responsibilities, are their hopes or dreams entrusted to their children. Not every parent wants their child to become a man or a woman, many parents just want their child to become a good person. That is enough for them. But unfortunately, that’s not enough, the cruel growth process of children always needs friends who understand that they exist in the bodies of parents.

“Adults were once children, but children were never adults. Adults see children’s problems as the mouth of a well, but for children, it is the whole sky.”

Making friends with children has never been easy, I understand that myself. Just try to see how to congratulate parents on their birthday on social networks. The higher that ratio, the greater the separation between parents and children. Children who do not have the courage to send a direct greeting to their parents or parents who cannot stand in front of their children to say sorry. Why? I think everyone will have their own interpretation.

“There are people who die at the age of 25 and are only buried until the age of 75.” The “death” here should not be understood in a naked literal sense, it is the result of the loneliness of people in adulthood. They want to share their joys and sorrows with people they trust. They need someone to share their academic pressures with, someone to confide in about their childhood love, someone to encourage them to follow their dreams, the path they choose… What they need share with adults, it may be small but it is an “ideal” that they are aiming for.

But two people born in two different centuries can’t understand each other easily? When young people choose the most extreme way to leave this world, that “death” is a release from the prison deep in their souls. “The dead don’t hurt, they leave pain for the people who stay.” Their pain will end but for those who stay, the pain has only just begun.

After all, it’s not easy for parents to be friends with their children, understand them, and respect their interests and passions, but isn’t it impossible? No need teach children is this man, woman, a “true” mother and father who will succeed when his children can talk to him like a true friend.

If life had been easy, the baby wouldn’t have been born with a cry. This life is inherently unfair, so we must learn to accept and overcome it. Do not let the thoughts and negatives of life weigh on our shoulders and cannot be relieved. If you don’t think for yourself, then at least think of our parents, brothers, etc. the people around us.

Life has the right to push you down but sitting there crying or getting up continues to be your right. Every life on this earth is important. Keep your face always towards the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you.

Truong Trung