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My husband makes mistakes and criticizes me all day

In my husband’s eyes, I am a bad woman, often nagged by him. I will have to accept this side of him if I want to live together for the rest of my life.

I am 30 years old, my husband is eight years older than me, have been married for seven years, have two daughters aged six and four, living in a central province. Her husband often has to be on duty at the unit, he can go home for about four nights a month, his place of work is about 20 minutes by car from home. Before getting married, I worked at a government agency, about 70 km away from my husband’s house, now I am trying to apply for a job move closer but it’s very difficult, I have not been able to.

The older child stays at home with grandparents, goes to kindergarten, the younger one lives with me, studies where I work, and on weekends, the mother and daughter stay at home with their parents-in-law. My husband is a true grandson, an only son, and has an older sister, so he is quite patriarchal. He likes boys very much, no matter what, he will give birth to another child to have a son. His monthly salary is about 10 million VND, how much he can work outside, I don’t know because he didn’t say. I said that he gave money to take care of his children, he got about two million dong a month, the rest was to take care of gas, car, and work relationships.

>> My fiancé constantly criticizes my appearance

When we first met, I heard some people say that he is very fastidious, meticulous, honorable, likes to show off, hangs out with friends and drinks, is very generous and relaxed, enthusiastic. Every time he drank, he drank to the wharf, he drank very well, he often drove dangerously after drinking, so I still wouldn’t listen to advice. This time he had difficulty at work, so he was in debt, his salary was to pay off the debt, my salary to raise two children. My family’s situation is more difficult than his family’s, out of the three brothers, only I can go to school and have a job. My parents are farmers, for the past three or two years I’ve been suffering from depression or something, but I keep avoiding everyone, not seeing anyone, I’m really sad.

Recently, we have had many conflicts, he often told me to speak curtly and not delicately when living in my husband’s house, while I feel that I am not that bad. I just go to work and take care of the baby, every weekend we take the car to my husband’s house. Knowing that grandparents take care of my children hard, I go to the market to buy food for the whole family, clean the house, and buy enough milk for my children. The school fees for my older children are all transferred to her, so that my grandparents don’t have to pay any money. When he got home, he did not help me clean the house and take care of the children. He only played with his children for a while, then had lunch and then dialed the phone. I commented and shared, he thought that housework and child care belonged to women, told me to stop talking and decide.

>> The newlywed wife criticized her husband’s family

My son is not attached to his father, he is not happy to see his father back, he said because I do not know how to teach children. The last time my child got Covid, I took a leave to take care of him, my mother-in-law also took a leave of absence to take care of her. Sharing this to let everyone know that I also know how to live and think, unlike my husband who says to give birth to children and then give them all to grandparents. It’s just that I can’t fake it, I can’t flatter it, what can I say. Living together, I was very afraid to collide this and that, so I gradually closed myself, wanting the couple to have a comfortable private space. The husband’s family has a piece of land next to his grandparents’ house, I said that I can take care of my grandparents when they get old and weak, but my husband definitely refuses to go out.

Yesterday he was drunk, called me back to say that I didn’t come home to clean up (I’ve always said it), told me I was childish and would never grow up. I was so angry that I told my husband that everyone is responsible for the housework, the grandparents are healthy, they move out every day, so why wait for the weekend when the daughter-in-law comes home to clean? Where am I? When I come back at the weekend, he is also on duty at the unit, can’t come back to see him. Get married and live with your in-laws more than with your husband. I know that marrying you is an only son, later on, when grandparents are old and weak, I will have to take care of everything, definitely hard work. I don’t mind, what I need is my husband’s understanding and sharing. However, he always blamed me, blamed me for this and that, I would have to accept his personality if I wanted to live together for the rest of my life.

>> My husband criticizes me so much that I am not confident enough to be near him

Now I plan to let my kids grow up to study at the place where I work. It’s too hard for me to go to work and take care of two children, but I determine that my children take care of them and don’t bother grandparents anymore. Every time I call back and see that the oldest child is always looking at the phone, I am very worried, if it is so far away, the couple will sooner or later fall apart. Another important thing I worry about is low salary, not enough to support two children. I love my husband very much and want my children to have enough parents to take care of. What should I do now? Am I as bad as my husband says? Any advice please?


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